(I know my post just a little bit ago will seem to contradict what I'm saying now, but each post is true and how I feel in the right context)
So many days it's easy to get caught up in what needs to be done around our house or are so tired at the end of the day that we forget about what is even more important. Our children.
The pastor made this statement on Sunday morning, "Nothing is more important as parents then to BRING our children TO Christ."
Then this morning I read this post. My heart was broken. I love my children. With all my heart. I would give my life, the very air I breathe for them. So, why can't I give them all my patience during the day?
This pregnancy has been nothing like my other pregnancy's physically. There is a lot of pain involved and the day to day chores that need to be done around the house are so difficult. I want to cry most days, but can't. I have to be strong. I have to keep going. The house won't clean itself, dinner won't get made on it's own and laundry won't fold itself.
Then I start thinking about all the things that I should do before the baby is born. So I try to spend time weeding out and organizing. Most days I'm left feeling exhausted, in pain, overwhelmed, tired, unable to sleep due to the pain and just plain done.
By 5pm all I can think about is when I can crawl into bed, in silence, and relax for a few minutes before closing my eyes.
When I read the post this morning I just sat there and cried.
I will miss these days when my children are all smiles, innocent, wanting to play and be with me.
I will miss the days when they ask for "just one more hug" before bedtime.
I will miss the days of endless playing and laughter.
I will miss the funny, kid-isms that come out of their mouths. The ones I vow to remember, but forget to write down.
I will miss all of it.
These children are only on loan to us from God. They are not ours. They are His. He blessed us with these children and it is my responsibility to raise them for Him. To bring these children to Him daily. To teach and train them to be godly, Christian adults one day. To teach them by my example how we are to live, act, speak and behave.
I'm asking God to give me patience when I seem to have no more. When the exhaustion has set in and threatens to bubble up and out. I am praying for unconditional love when my kids do "that" again after they've been told a hundred times not to do that. For strength to keep going when I don't think I can take one more step without crying...
...And for the ability to see into the future...knowing that when my kids are grown I will want just a few more minutes with them in my lap, but won't be able to have it.
Today I will be more like Christ & cherish every moment with my kids.