Getting over grief is not an easy thing. True the immediate heart wrenching, tear shedding grief is past, however it's the aching grief that's left.
I feel it when I think of December 17th & May 26th. The due dates of both little ones we lost.
I feel it when someone announces they are pregnant or I see a sweet, new baby.
I feel it when I put away yet another size of my children's clothes.
I feel it every time it's "that time" of the month. Just a reminder I am not pregnant.
I don't question why it happened. I know there is a reason. I don't even need to know what it is. I'm content knowing that God has a plan for me & our family. I know He knows when our family is complete and I trust that we will know too when that time comes.
It just doesn't stop the ache that I feel each time I remember or am reminded. It doesn't stop the gentle tears that may fall.
I am so happy for each of my friends for the blessing they have growing inside of them. I would hope they wouldn't feel awkward around me. Just ignore my choking up & watery eyes. It has nothing to do with you, I promise. I wouldn't want anyone to feel uneasy. My heart just aches for the little one I won't hold it my arms just yet.
Until then I will be so thankful for my energetic, funny girl & boy! I will treasure they things they say and the pictures they draw me. I will continue to learn how to be a better mother and wife.
...and hopefully one day soon we will have the joy of announcing we are going to have another lovebug!