Thursday, September 30, 2010

36 Weeks



Only 28 more days to go!!

...and you may be thinking "Geesh!  Doesn't that girl have any other shirts?!"  The answer is "yes, I do."  It's just so much easier to see the changes when you wear the same shirt for each progress shot :)  

There is a method to my madness!  Really.  

Oh, and I didn't want my head in this picture.  My hair hadn't been dried yet so it was
tossed up in a few clips and a ponytail.  Definitely not picture ready!





Friday, September 24, 2010

My Disability, His Ability

The morning arrived and I had high hopes of getting started with my quiet time & a cup of coffee.  I had plans of showering and then spending some time reading the book we're starting in Sunday School, Crazy Love.  Very quickly I realized my hopes were going to be dashed.  I kept trudging through in hopes my morning would improve while realizing my quiet time was going to be anything but quiet. 

You see, the storm was brewing and and this was one of those mornings things were not gonna go as "planned".

I eventually lost my temper with the kids when the third bout of crying happened.  I had asked them to please play quietly and nicely!  Didn't they realize I was trying to spend time with God?!  How hypocritical of me though.  Instead of demonstrating God's love and patience I chose to lose mine.  How could I go back and try to read this book when I wasn't very loving?  How could I teach my children patience when I wasn't willing to demonstrate it?

So, I apologized and decided to just start the day.  I made breakfast and the morning went along with me still feeling all stormy on the inside.  

I could blame it on hormones (which wouldn't be completely false) because all I want to do is cry lately.  I could blame it on lack of sleep (again, not false).  I could even blame it on not having a moment to myself and desperately needing it (completely true).

However, the truth is I was feeling like I deserved this quiet time. I deserved a moment to gather my thoughts and then jump into my day. I deserved to do something for myself before giving to others.  I, I, I.....Can you say "selfish"?

I was being completely selfish and justifying what I wanted instead of paying attention to what God wanted me to be doing.  I began to stew over all the things that I felt entitled to...all the things "someone" should realize or recognize.  I kept thinking about how I felt, how tired my body was, how much work being a stay at home and work at home mom is and how I wanted someone to come home and rescue me.  To come in and be my strength and support.  It just snowballed from there...

Then I realized that while someone should be that rock, strength and support I was expecting it to come from only one source and when that source failed me things crumbled.

No matter how a human being may fail me God never will.  He alone should be my strength when I am weak.  He is my support when things crumble around me.  He is my rock and my shield when I need protecting.

Instead of looking outward for this I need to be looking upward!

Psalm 18:1-2

"I love you, Lord; you are my strength.  The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.  He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety."

Those are only the first two verses so I encourage you to read all of Psalm 18 because it is so powerful and encouraging.  God is who gives us strength.  Not ourselves, not our spouses, not our friends or family.  They will fail us.  God never will.

In speaking about strength I was remembering something the pastor said on Sunday that really spoke to me.  We were looking at Mark 3:1-6 and it was speaking about how Jesus healed the man with the withered hand.  Now this man had had this withered hand all his life.  It was not able to be used.  The man knew this.  He knew he could not do anything with it.  Yet Jesus gave him a command to stretch out his hand.  A hand that was physically not able to be stretched out.  The man, knowing this, stretched out his hand and Jesus made it whole.

Then the pastor says this,  

"The strength to do everything we have ever needed to do in our Christian life comes from God.  God's ability steps in to take over our disability.  It requires an active faith and trust in God."

Wow.

I have tears in my eyes even now!

How did he know exactly what I've been feeling?!  He didn't, but God did.

He knew I've been feeling disabled, helpless, overwhelmed, tired, in pain and without strength.  He knew how alone I've been feeling at home, all day with very little adult interaction.  He knows the cries of my heart and the feelings I feel.

The pastor also said this, 

"God gives us the grace and strength to go through the suffering and the physical pain.

It just requires an act of obedience on our part.  We have to confess our need first and trust God for the strength to do what we need to do.  God will not mock our weakness."

Needless to say I walked out last Sunday with a lot of emotions.

God may not take away the physical pains or the the struggles of the day.  He may not change hearts and actions of others so that things are made easier for me.  However, He will give me the strength to make it through even when I don't feel like I have the strength or ability to go on.

Just like Jesus calmed the stormy seas God can calm the storm in my heart and give me the strength to carry on when everything inside me says I can't.

God's ability steps in to take over our disability.



Friday, September 17, 2010

A Letter from Afton



It reads...

"You worked so hard. How about you stop after you worked and put your feet up while we play outside. Love Afton"

She made a point of showing me my belly too :)





Monday, September 13, 2010

Tired.

I think today was probably my toughest day yet.  I know I've thought that before, but the further along I get with this pregnancy the more tired my body gets and the faster it gets tired too.


I have to keep reminding myself how blessed we are to have a healthy baby.  It's easy to get down about the physical pains (and trust me!  They're painful pains!) and not focus on the healthy baby growing inside.


The closer I get to my due date the more I need to take it easy, not push myself and give my body the rest it needs.  Especially since I'm not getting a good night sleep anymore.


I really felt it today when I realized how bad I felt and also realized I had a fever.  I pretty much figured it out at that point that I cannot do it all anymore.  It's physically impossible.  I may want to do it all, but it's actually unwise at this point.  I'm pushing myself too hard and it has to stop.


I only have a little over 6 weeks left until my due date.  I'm going for 7 weeks since I'm usually late.  We shall see what this time around brings us to though.  I will be happy with early!

33 weeks.  Yes, I took this picture in a public restroom :)

Until then I think I'll focus on not running around during the day (as much), maybe limiting it to once or twice a week.  I'll also be trying to finish organizing our bedroom so we can make room for this little love bug.  I don't have too much to do.  It's just finding the time to file the papers, go through the pictures and find homes for the odds and ends that seem to be hanging around.


Maybe I should do a before, during & after post about my "L" shaped corner of the room that is the problem area I'll be dealing with.  


Hmmm...we'll see if I'm brave enough!!!









Friday, September 10, 2010

Afton

Happy Birthday to my beautiful love bug!


7 years ago I became a mama when you entered the world!  
I am so blessed to be your mommy & I am so thankful God gave you to us.

You are such a smart, beautiful, thoughtful, amazing and precious girl and I cannot wait to see how you blossom into a beautiful young lady.

I love you with all my heart and always will!

Love,

Your Mama

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

What 2nd Trimester?

Yeah.  I'm pretty sure the 2nd trimester decided to skip over me this pregnancy.  I went right from 1st to 3rd.  Yup, that's right.  I went from feeling sick (with a few weeks of feeling "ok") to feeling like I'm ready to pop with all the 3rd trimester symptoms included.

Can someone explain how or why this would happen?  I was totally looking forward to the 2nd trimester...better known as the "honeymoon stage".  Instead I went from pre-marital counseling to nursing home.  No wedding.  No honeymoon.

I will say that I have not gained nearly as much weight as I did with the other two pregnancies.  So, that is my silver lining, I guess.

Today I am feeling like I could go at any minute.  In fact, it made me realize just how much I need to get straightened out!  Pretty much put a fire under my tush.  Braxton Hicks contractions will do that to you.  After they pass, that is.  And with 7 weeks left in this pregnancy I'm beginning to feel the "oh my goodness we're gonna have another baby in the house" jitters.  Good jitters.  Jitters nonetheless.

So, here's to no 2nd trimester to speak of.  Kankles.  3rd trimester symptoms up the wazoo.  No sleep.  Waddling.  Lansinoh.  Swelling fingers.  Last minute preparations.  Pillows surrounding my body when I sleep.  A very healthy, active baby.  BOOBS!  A very excited brother and sister.  Cute cloth diapers.  Not knowing the sex of the baby.

...and most of all?

The blessing of another love bug!!

And, yes,  I would/will do this again in a heartbeat!