Wednesday, November 11, 2009

A Passing Ache

Getting over grief is not an easy thing. True the immediate heart wrenching, tear shedding grief is past, however it's the aching grief that's left.

I feel it when I think of December 17th & May 26th. The due dates of both little ones we lost.

I feel it when someone announces they are pregnant or I see a sweet, new baby.

I feel it when I put away yet another size of my children's clothes.

I feel it every time it's "that time" of the month. Just a reminder I am not pregnant.

I don't question why it happened. I know there is a reason. I don't even need to know what it is. I'm content knowing that God has a plan for me & our family. I know He knows when our family is complete and I trust that we will know too when that time comes.

It just doesn't stop the ache that I feel each time I remember or am reminded. It doesn't stop the gentle tears that may fall.

I am so happy for each of my friends for the blessing they have growing inside of them. I would hope they wouldn't feel awkward around me. Just ignore my choking up & watery eyes. It has nothing to do with you, I promise. I wouldn't want anyone to feel uneasy. My heart just aches for the little one I won't hold it my arms just yet.

Until then I will be so thankful for my energetic, funny girl & boy! I will treasure they things they say and the pictures they draw me. I will continue to learn how to be a better mother and wife.

...and hopefully one day soon we will have the joy of announcing we are going to have another lovebug!


Mrs. B. said...

You are so sweet and I hope "that day" come soon for you. God is faithful, this much I know.

Mommy B said...

I'm sorry my dear, and I'm there beside you. Much love from the south