Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Heavy heart

You know when people say they have a heavy heart you nod your head in understanding? Well, sometimes I wonder what they mean by a heavy heart. What does it mean to them? What are they feeling at that moment?

I was sitting here trying to think of the right word for how I feel, and "heavy heart" came to mind. It described perfectly what I feel inside right now!

It's not worry or confusion. It's not frustration or anger. It's not sorrow or heartache. Just "heavy hearted".

I know that I am blessed beyond words to have a personal relationship with God. He has done amazing things in my life over the past 4 years. Things that I never thought would happen. At one point I knew that things needed to change, but I didn't even know how to ask God to change those things. I had the desire to change, but it just seemed so hard, and it was so easy to just be who I was. Why should I change? I like being who I am!

It was during those times of "liking who I was" that I realized I wasn't the person God wanted me to be. So I prayed. I prayed for His help because I knew that I couldn't do it on my own. I didn't really think I needed to change, but God did. Slowly He worked on my heart. He changed me.

Today I see how I respond to things and what a difference between now and 4 years ago! My goal is to please God, not myself. My goal is to honor Him in all that I do and say.

So, what's the reason for the heavy heart?

I guess it's just knowing that there are people who make excuses for doing or saying things because they want to. They may know it's wrong, but they want to do it so they will. Then they will apologize for it after. Shouldn't we be sensitive to those things before they happen? Shouldn't we be looking out for the interests of others before ourselves? Isn't that what God would want us to do?

I am finding fewer Christians who hold true to the Word of God. Now please don't think I am judging people. I am watching how they live, how they talk, how they interact with others and if I didn't know them I wouldn't think they were a Christian. Maybe I would think they are good people who go to church. I do know that there is an accountability that we are to have with each other, fellow Christians. Where does that begin and end? I'm looking for your thoughts on this one.

I've been praying for God to show me what He wants me to learn. I don't want to walk around telling people what they should or shouldn't do, but at the same time I believe I shouldn't sit quietly and say nothing. Ideas?

Today I feel that it is so important to be a clear testimony and image of Christ. If we don't reflect Him in everything we do then I think we're missing something. I'm not saying we'll be perfect...I know that I am not...I will make mistakes, but I pray that they will be fewer and fewer as I become more sensitive to God's leading.

Anyway, that's all that was on my mind tonight! I know, not exactly the light and fun stuff I usually post, but then again, I do have a serious side! *chuckle*

I'm tired now so I'm off to bed! I may read this tomorrow and take it off especially since I will have had a whole night to think about it!

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