Today I am remembering the two babies we lost in June (due December 16, 2009) and September (due May 26, 2010) of 2009. I don't think I've ever felt pain that deep or devastating before. Losing a child, no matter how tiny, is the most painful experience I've ever had to endure.
To this day I will still cry if I talk about the babies for any length of time. Most of the time I just quickly mention it and move on because I know the tears are right around the corner. Somehow that just feels wrong though. As if I'm not honoring their amazing life. I think I breeze over it because I know that crying makes other people uncomfortable. They don't know what to do or they think they have to say something understanding or witty.
You really don't have to say anything. Just a hug or an "I'm praying for you" or a thoughtful gesture is perfect. Nothing forced. You really don't need to find the right words. Sometimes there are none.
If you do feel the need to say something please don't say, "I understand." Unless, of course, you've been or are experiencing the loss of a child. If you haven't then you really don't understand the pain and sadness. You can imagine what you would feel like, but that's not the same.
Someone in my life would always say, "I completely understand." "I know what you're feeling." All I wanted to do was scream, "NO! No you do NOT understand or know what I'm feeling! You've never lost a child!"
Of course, I didn't. I just nodded and moved on. What good does it do if I get mad at them? The comment may be meant as a comfort, but they are not thinking of the person, they are thinking about what they think sounds right to say.
So, today, if you speak with someone who has lost a child due to miscarriage, stillbirth, just born, infant, toddler, child, teen, adult etc please just give them a hug, ask them how you can pray for them or just provide a silent, loving gesture showing them you support them and care about them.
That is the best thing you could do for them. Oh, and let them talk and cry if need be. Sometimes that's the best type of support you can offer. A shoulder.
To my two little babies in heaven:
I loved and cherished you from the moment I knew you were growing inside me. I was so excited reading the "pregnant" test and I quickly counted the days on the calendar so I knew when I would hold you in my arms. God brought you home soon after though and now you are resting in His arms, in His presence. I love you both and still mourn our loss of you both. God has bigger plans though and I don't question Him at all. He has since blessed us with your sister, Claire. You would absolutely love her. I can't wait for the day when I will finally get to see you, my babies! I love you both with all my heart, your mama.
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