Feel the love

Sometimes I feel it, sometimes I don't.

I struggle with doing things even when I don't feel like I want to. Patiently teaching children when they've done something naughty for the zillionth time. Correcting selfish behavior in one of the children after just correcting it 2 minutes earlier. Remaining calm when everything in me wants to scream, cry and break something. Where is a crummy plate to smash when you need it????

Some days I can make it through the day and say that I was successful. Other days...not so much. Lately the "not so much" days have outnumbered the successful days. Don't get me wrong, I have successful moments in those "not so much" days, they just get overshadowed.

It's when I can feel the frustration and helplessness building in the midst of my children's disobedience that I realize I need to take a moment to breathe, pray and get my thoughts and attitude under control. I have to remember to show love to my children even when they are acting out again! I am teaching them by the way I act.

I struggle with feeling that love. Not that I don't love my children because I do...more than anything! I thank God for them daily. I pray for them and I pray I will be the mom they need in order to grow up and serve God with all their heart, soul and mind. Some days I just feel so discouraged.

On those days I realize how dependent I am on God. I cannot imagine raising my children without Him. I also realize when I am not spending time in His word...daily. After a few days of that it really shows. In my attitude, in my speech, in my tone of voice, the words I use. I feel like a hypocrite correcting my children and talking to them about what pleases God when I haven't spent time in His word for several days.

I desire that intimate relationship with Him. I know what it feels like to be so close to Him. I also know what it feels like when I let life and my family take His place in my life.

So, when I struggle with "feeling the love" I have to remember that I must choose to love even when someone is unloveable. I choose to love even when there is nothing in it for me. I choose to love because He first loved me. Love isn't a warm and fuzzy feeling. It is a willing act on my part to serve someone because my Savior demonstrated what it meant to serve.

I am praying for the strength to love and serve my children and my husband even when I feel unloved or unappreciated. I am praying for wisdom in raising the children God has blessed us with. That I will know what each child needs and that I would be sensitive to that. I am committing myself (again!) to a regular quiet time with God before I pick up my laptop in the morning. Before I start my day I will spend time in His word.

I need His guidance and wisdom to be the kind of wife and mother my husband and children need. I cannot do it on my own. I don't want to do it on my own. I am weak, but He gives me strength. I will stumble, but He is there to carry me. I am so thankful!

Psalm 103:1-5
¹ Let all that I am praise the Lord;with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
² Let all that I am praise the Lord;may I never forget the good things he does for me.
³ He forgives all my sinsand heals all my diseases.
⁴ He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
⁵ He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!

(Tonight I felt as if I was being urged to share my personal struggle with you. Perhaps it was God's leading because it may help someone or maybe it was just for me to be open and honest about a weak area in my life. To be accountable. Whatever the reason is I knew I had to write.

...and it all started because I read this article.)