Not Afraid to Stand Alone….

….because I’m not really alone!

My Hope Is Built

by Edward Mote

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

Refrain

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

Refrain

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

Refrain

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

Refrain

Reflections

  December and Christmas passed by in a big blur.  All the kiddos were sick starting with Claire and going from youngest to oldest.  High fevers were the telltale sign we were in for a longer illness.  


Usually I am sad to see Christmas end, but this year I found myself not really dwelling on it that much.  Maybe because I was thinking about my kids being healthy.  It's such a hard thing for a mama to watch her babies get sick.


Speaking of baby...today I am 9 weeks pregnant!  I have to say there are times I forget I'm pregnant.  I know it's mostly because of how busy I am.  I just don't want to take any moment for granted.  I've been thinking about the two babies we lost to miscarriage before Claire Bear.  I keep praying that God will protect this baby and keep him or her growing strong and healthy.


My other three "babies" are getting SO big!  


Afton is 8 and growing up much too fast for my liking.  She is a little version of me.  It's almost as if we are (sometimes) the same person.  She is aware of everything and knows details to things that even Mike doesn't remember!  She has such a kind, loving heart.  Although she has a selfish streak in her (who doesn't?), but it's something we are working really hard with her on.  Afton is like a little mother to Claire.  She can take over for me if I need to get some stuff done and I know (for the most part) that she'll do a great job.  Sometimes there are a bit TOO many Cheerios being fed to Claire, but I try to let that slide.


Caleb is 6 and is my super sensitive, quiet loner.  Not in a bad way.  Just in a "Caleb" sort of way.  He is content to go into his room, close the door, and play Legos all by himself.  Or he'll just sit on his bed and read a book.  Sensitive though!  Boy, he sure can cry at the drop of a hat.  We're working on him with that and he is doing better.  He loves Claire though and she adores him.  It's so cute to watch!


Claire is 1 and growing too fast for my liking!  How has one year already past??  It's just crazy!  She is smart, sweet, strong willed and SO cute!  She has the prettiest eyes and cutest smile!  She is definitely a mama's girl. I'm not gonna lie...I LOVE that!  We are working with her on signing and is quite successful as signing "more".  As in "more food"!  Man does that girl love to eat!  And when it's time to eat she claps her hands together letting us know she's ready to pray!  


Miya is the oldest and will be 14 in January.  I remember when she was just 4!  Time certainly does get fly and I really notice it when I look at my older kids.  Miya has grown into such a beautiful girl.  She loves to sing and likes to write her own songs.  She's had a bit of a tough year though.  Her mom moved her (again) to another town because she found another guy she wanted to move in with.  Poor Miya had to leave her friends and her school and move to another town that's a little rougher.  She is also struggling spiritually.  Watching her walk away from "her faith" is one of the most difficult things we've had to go through this year.  Hearing her say she doesn't believe in God and question everything is so sad.  Unfortunately she is only with us for 4 days out of the month.  The rest she is with her mother who sadly doesn't care.


I wish you could convince someone of how badly they need the Lord.  Sadly that is not that case as Mike and I have seen with other family members as well.  I pray for them though.  I pray the blinder will fall off and they will see how desperately they need Christ.  How they can't believe what they want to believe and leave the rest.  


Aside from that this past year was very busy and hectic for me as I tried to juggle a new baby, two other children, homeschooling and working from home.  Needless to say it was a challenging and frustrating year.  A huge blessing has been me being able to stop working from home as of January!  I will miss the company I work for, but am so excited to "just" be mommy and wife and do what I'm meant to do here at home.


With all that being said it's been a good year.  We are healthy, we have a home, Mike has a job, we have food on our table and clothes on our back.  We have an amazing church family and are so blessed with amazing friends...family really!


We are truly blessed and I am so thankful to God that He saved me and chose to bless me with my husband, my family and our church.  I do not take any of it for granted.  I don't deserve such amazing blessings, but thank Him for blessing me anyway.


Here is to 2012!

"Preferring one another in love doesn't always mean you will be preferred in return. But there is a precious joy that flows out of that obedience, knowing that God keeps His promises."

(borrowed from a friend on Facebook)

God's Knows

  I know I keep slipping in and out of blogging...my heart is dying to get back to it, but the time to blog consistently is just not there right now.


However, I needed to pop in and say that I am always amazed, humbled and completely blessed when God brings people to mind and directs us to pray for them.  We may not know the how's or why's, but He does.  


Today a friend sent me a message on Facebook just letting me know that while she was brewing some pumpkin spice coffee God brought me to her mind and impressed upon her to pray for me.  This is what she said, "Decided to make some pumpkin spice coffee this afternoon, and prayed for you while it brewed.  Not sure what for, but just that you'd feel God's love and peace today.  Funny how He speaks to us.  Xox."


She had no idea that later on this afternoon I would be attending calling hours for a coworker that passed away suddenly.  He was only 30.


She had no idea, but God did.


Isn't that amazing?  What a mighty and awesome God we serve.  I am so thankful for a loving God and faithful friends.

Remembering

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.


Today I am remembering the two babies we lost in June (due December 16, 2009) and September (due May 26, 2010) of 2009.  I don't think I've ever felt pain that deep or devastating before.  Losing a child, no matter how tiny, is the most painful experience I've ever had to endure.


To this day I will still cry if I talk about the babies for any length of time.  Most of the time I just quickly mention it and move on because I know the tears are right around the corner.  Somehow that just feels wrong though.  As if I'm not honoring their amazing life.  I think I breeze over it because I know that crying makes other people uncomfortable.  They don't know what to do or they think they have to say something understanding or witty.


You really don't have to say anything.  Just a hug or an "I'm praying for you" or a thoughtful gesture is perfect.  Nothing forced.  You really don't need to find the right words.  Sometimes there are none.


If you do feel the need to say something please don't say, "I understand."  Unless, of course, you've been or are experiencing the loss of a child.  If you haven't then you really don't understand the pain and sadness.  You can imagine what you would feel like, but that's not the same.


Someone in my life would always say, "I completely understand."  "I know what you're feeling."  All I wanted to do was scream, "NO!  No you do NOT understand or know what I'm feeling!  You've never lost a child!"


Of course, I didn't.  I just nodded and moved on.  What good does it do if I get mad at them?  The comment may be meant as a comfort, but they are not thinking of the person, they are thinking about what they think sounds right to say.


So, today, if you speak with someone who has lost a child due to miscarriage, stillbirth, just born, infant, toddler, child, teen, adult etc please just give them a hug, ask them how you can pray for them or just provide a silent, loving gesture showing them you support them and care about them.


That is the best thing you could do for them.  Oh, and let them talk and cry if need be.  Sometimes that's the best type of support you can offer.  A shoulder.


To my two little babies in heaven:
I loved and cherished you from the moment I knew you were growing inside me.  I was so excited reading the "pregnant" test and I quickly counted the days on the calendar so I knew when I would hold you in my arms.  God brought you home soon after though and now you are resting in His arms, in His presence.  I love you both and still mourn our loss of you both.  God has bigger plans though and I don't question Him at all.  He has since blessed us with your sister, Claire.  You would absolutely love her.  I can't wait for the day when I will finally get to see you, my babies!  I love you both with all my heart, your mama.

Mmmmmmm

  I think I will be making these lovely onion bagels sometime soon!

Humility

Encouragement for today:


Humility is perfect quietness of heart. It is to expect nothing, to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised. It is to have a blessed home in the Lord, where I can go in and shut the door, and kneel to my Father in secret, and am at peace as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and above is trouble.
-- Andrew Murray

Grunt Fish, Moldy Cheese & Sin

It was just the girls in the living room this morning.  Me, Afton and Claire.  I handed Afton the new issue of Creation Magazine because she saw a very pretty, bright and colorful picture on the front. 


As she was flipping through she came to a section talking about how butterfly fish clean the parasites out of the grunt fish's mouth.

Butterfly fish

Grunt fish

  


This led us to talk about sin in our lives and how we need Christ to clean up the sin in our lives.  


To illustrate this in a way Afton would understand I explained how mold "infects" soft cheese and it spreads throughout the cheese.

  


Once it's in the middle the whole cheese has to be thrown away.  I explained how we need Jesus to "clean us" from the inside out and then how we need to be "protected" by reading our Bible and praying.  Just like the plastic wrap protects the cheese.  We need to make sure we don't expose ourselves to mold (aka: sin).


In a nutshell we had a great conversation that Afton completely understood!  


That was homeschooling at it's best!!!!  


Ever day life, a simple magazine article and a few quiet, uninterrupted minutes to talk about the things that really matter.

Homemade Vanilla Extract

Do you see the lovely jars sitting in my cupboard?  Me too!  I love looking at them, admiring them and shaking them.  Yes, shaking.


In 6 months I'm also gonna love opening them up and using what's inside.  Yum!


It's so easy too.


All you need are:

• Vanilla beans (Which I purchased from Ebay.  I was able to get 1lb for $29.99 which is a great price and they sent 1/4 lb free!)
• Cheap vodka
• Jars

1. You will need 3 beans per 1 cup of vodka.
2. Cut vanilla beans in half lengthwise while still leaving it attached at the top.
3. Put them into the jar & add the appropriate amount of vodka.
4. Seal and store in a cool, dry place.
5. Don't forget to shake it once a week.

In 6 months you will have homemade vanilla extract which you can use to your little hearts content.

Just remember your homemade extract will be slightly stronger than what you are used to purchasing at the store so use a little less.

Oh, and if you get this started sooner rather than later you will have a wonderful, homemade Christmas gift to give to the bakers in your life!

Enjoy!

A Day You Will Remember

"Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles." Proverbs 24:17

I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, 

not even an enemy. 
~unknown~


Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: 

only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. 

Martin Luther King Jr.

I listened and watched with mixed emotions as the local news proclaimed Osama Bin Laden was dead.  

I think I mostly sat there feeling slightly shocked.  It's been almost 10 years in the making and

now that it's finally happened it feels unreal.

I can see why people would be celebrating in the streets, but I'll be honest...I felt very mixed emotions.  While I am happy his live influence will never again pollute our life I do know his teachings will live on.

I also felt a sense of sadness.  Sadness over the amount of rejoicing over the death of human beings.  He was an evil human being, but to be joyful over his death?  I can't feel good about that.  

God does not wish that anyone perish, but that all would come to Him.  He gives us each a choice though.  We can choose to follow him (even as we take our last breath) or we can choose to think we have it all figured out and that we'll get to heaven on our own deeds.

The verse, the first quote and the MLK Jr. quote sum up my feelings perfectly.

I just wanted to put that out there.  It's been on my mind all day and I wanted to make sure I would remember what I was thinking this very day.

My "5 Months After the New Year" Resolution

I believe 100% that you do not have to wait until the start of a new year to make a resolution.  Or Monday.  Or your next birthday.  Or Lent.


So, starting tomorrow I am on a sugar fast.


I will allow myself to have only the sugar I put in my coffee & oatmeal.  That's it.  No cookies.  No discounted Easter candy that only comes out once a year.  No delicious, homemade baked yumminess.  Nope.


As a sign of my commitment I gave Mike my tin of Cadbury Mini Eggs and Hershey chocolate eggs and told him to hide them.  That way I won't be tempted to dig in on "one of those days".  I'm the type of person that has to go cold turkey.  I can't have one foot in and one foot out.


So, here goes nothin'.  Well, something, actually.  And it better be some loss of poundage and newfound energy 'cause this baby belly has GOT to go!


Feel free to join in if you want to.  I could use all the support I can get.  It helps keep me accountable!

Leaving My Burden at the Foot of the Cross

There are people in this life who will criticize your decisions.  They will tell you you could be doing something different.  That you should make better choices.  They will imply that your decision was the wrong one and to change it.


No matter what other people say just remember that the only one you need to please is God.  If you are making the wisest decisions possible and your spouse is 100% supportive than you have nothing to worry about.


The decisions may not be the easiest or most comfortable (physically, emotionally or spiritually), but sometimes they are necessary because that's what it takes to raise your children, tend to your family and serve others.


Some will not understand that and may ridicule you for it.  Especially if it cramps their style.  It is coming from a very selfish place in their heart.  


Your obligation is to love your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind.  Second is to love your neighbor as yourself.  That does not mean doing what they think is right.


With that said I will leave my burden at the foot of the cross, commit my actions to God through prayer, pray for a good attitude and continue doing what He has called me to do.

My "gloomy" Monday

It's Monday morning, about 10:45.  Claire fell asleep on my chest and is making smacking noises with her lips and gently snoring.


I can hear the dryer running.  A button is clinking the inside of the dryer.


Afton and Caleb are playing Legos in the living room.  I can hear the Legos being moved around.


It's grey and damp outside and some would look at this as a gloomy Monday.  However, inside my house the sun is shining.  We are warm, kids are playing peacefully and I have a beautiful baby girl asleep on my chest.


As I listen to her sleepy baby noises I couldn't be more thankful for this "gloomy Monday.

Joy In Motherhood

I have found a new joy in becoming a mother for the 3^rd time.

One could argue that it's age & wisdom. Others could say it's because I know what I'm doing now. I can tell you one thing...it's definitely not because it's easier. Going from two to three children has been the biggest adjustment of my life. Things take longer. More people need me. Work load is increased and I still have all the “normal” things that need to be done.

So, while age, wisdom and knowledge may be true I think it's something deeper. Something only God can give to a mom. It's a joy that only comes from Him. Knowing this is what I was created to do is so comforting. I am exactly where God wants me to be right now.

Even through many sleepless nights and crazy days I still look at Claire when she is nursing and am filled with a love that I can't describe.

I look at my other two children, Afton and Caleb, and feel so blessed that God would see fit to make me their mama.

So when things get tough and I get tired...when I feel so exhausted and discouraged...I try to remember that “this too shall pass” and I should enjoy every kid filled moment while I can. They will soon be grown and gone and I will wish for these moments again.

My house may be covered with kid items, but I will treasure it while I have it because soon enough my house will be empty and spotless. It is then I will be wishing for another load of laundry to do, more homemade pictures on the wall and endless amounts of toys to step over.

Psalm 127:3 (NASB) "Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward."

True Confessions - Mommy Style

(I'm trying to come back slowly...I really am...I make no promises though!)


Only three confessions today:

• The other night Claire spit up all over one of my shoulders. I was so tired I just wiped my shirt off with a towel and went to bed.  It dried.

• Last night Mike taught the kids how to play Halo on Xbox. They are having a blast shooting things.  (Even though I normally don't condone shooting!)

• Last night I danced with Claire to The Doors “Alabama Song (Whiskey Bar)” - she loved it!  (I don't condone drinking with children :)  The song has a nifty sound though...very dance-able!)

That's all I can come up with right now.

Announcement (Better Late Than Never)

(I'm 4 weeks and 2 days late in making this announcement...sorry!)

We would like to welcome Claire Elizabeth to our family!!!

She was born on November 8th at 6:44am 

and weighed 8lbs, 6oz (my lightest baby!) and was 20 1/2 inches long.

 

She is absolutely beautiful and has completely stolen our hearts.

 

The transition from two to three children has been tougher than I imagined, however I wouldn't trade one sleepless moment of it.

  

The kids love her to pieces and I have to say mom and dad think she's pretty cool too!

I'll post about her birth at another point, but this is what I could squeak out for now.  The other post has been a week in the making and each time I think I can finish it Claire starts fussing, kids need feeding or laundry needs to be folded.  

Ah yes...the life of a mother...and I'm not taking any moment for granted either!

I *Heart* This Nailpolish Color

I cannot tell you how much I love, love, love this color!  

ZOYA Wicked Nail Polish Collection in Carrie Ann

 

I may have to be on a hunt for it this week.  Hopefully before the baby's born!

I can find it here, but don't want to pay the shipping.

I have yet to look on Amazon though!  They may have it and it

may be eligible for Amazon Prime!

I'm a woman on a mission!

Kids, Rocks & Hammers Make for Great Science

A few weeks ago the kids and I skipped outside for a bit of smashing fun!  We grabbed our "safety glasses" (which happened to be Miya's spy kit glasses because the real safety glasses were missing), our hammer and our geodes and sat down on the driveway and hammered away!

This is what happens when you give the kids the Oriental Trading Company magazine to look at!  Actually, that's what happens when you give it to your husband...lol! 

After our smashing we talked about the pretty rocks and how they were formed (thanks to Google I was able to give a quick, kid friendly account!) and how the rocks we just opened came from Mexico. 


Anyway, here are a few pictures of the fun!!

Love = The Green "Clean" Light on the Dishwasher

I just have to say...

"I have the most thoughtful husband in the world!" 

He came home from work late last night. Everyone was in bed and asleep. He left this morning well before anyone was awake. When I went to get my coffee at 6:30 this morning I noticed things were "different". 

Come to find out he had emptied the dishwasher last night with stealth like skill ("silent like a ninja" in his words)...super quiet...one dish/utensil at a time! He said it took a LONG time!!!

I never even heard him and I usually hear everything! 

He even wiped around the stove and counter and made sure my sink was shiny!

To top it all off he purposefully didn't close the dishwasher all the way because

he didn't want the little green "clean" light to go off!  This way I wouldn't 

know it had been emptied until I went to take care of it myself. 

He sure knows how to speak to a woman's heart...well, my heart anyway! That was the most romantic thing he could have done for me!

Thank you, my love! I am so blessed to be your wife ♥

 

A Day at the Orchard

I am a bit behind in posting, but I have a good excuse.  Really.  I do.  I just can't think of it right now.  Could be the baby that is due on Thursday.  Yeah.  That's it.

A few weekends ago we ventured out to a local apple orchard that has the best, to-die-for apple cider donuts.  We went to pick apples too, but the donuts are always the highlight.

The day happened to be a bit windy and chilly, but we're New Englanders!  We're tough.  We go through winter in shorts and flip flops.  Ok, maybe not shorts, but I have worn flip flops in winter.  Something about not being able to let them go.

Where was I?

Oh...yes, we were going apple picking.  The main objective was to get apples so I could make a few homemade pies.  Which I did.  I ended up making 4 pies and only 1 stayed home.  I was a little bummed especially after all that hard work, but I gave them up willingly since it made other people very happy.

Here are a few pictures from our apple picking adventures.

Waiting for the tractor to come around

Pretty Orchard

Reach!

Caleb loves sticks!

The pros

Going around again

The only proof I was there :)

 

So, that was our fun and exciting apple picking trip!  I only wish the season hadn't been so short because I would love to go one more time!  There is nothing like fresh picked apples from an orchard!

Yummmmmmm