Not Afraid to Stand Alone….

….because I’m not really alone!

My Hope Is Built

by Edward Mote

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

Refrain

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

Refrain

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

Refrain

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

Refrain

Reflections

  December and Christmas passed by in a big blur.  All the kiddos were sick starting with Claire and going from youngest to oldest.  High fevers were the telltale sign we were in for a longer illness.  


Usually I am sad to see Christmas end, but this year I found myself not really dwelling on it that much.  Maybe because I was thinking about my kids being healthy.  It's such a hard thing for a mama to watch her babies get sick.


Speaking of baby...today I am 9 weeks pregnant!  I have to say there are times I forget I'm pregnant.  I know it's mostly because of how busy I am.  I just don't want to take any moment for granted.  I've been thinking about the two babies we lost to miscarriage before Claire Bear.  I keep praying that God will protect this baby and keep him or her growing strong and healthy.


My other three "babies" are getting SO big!  


Afton is 8 and growing up much too fast for my liking.  She is a little version of me.  It's almost as if we are (sometimes) the same person.  She is aware of everything and knows details to things that even Mike doesn't remember!  She has such a kind, loving heart.  Although she has a selfish streak in her (who doesn't?), but it's something we are working really hard with her on.  Afton is like a little mother to Claire.  She can take over for me if I need to get some stuff done and I know (for the most part) that she'll do a great job.  Sometimes there are a bit TOO many Cheerios being fed to Claire, but I try to let that slide.


Caleb is 6 and is my super sensitive, quiet loner.  Not in a bad way.  Just in a "Caleb" sort of way.  He is content to go into his room, close the door, and play Legos all by himself.  Or he'll just sit on his bed and read a book.  Sensitive though!  Boy, he sure can cry at the drop of a hat.  We're working on him with that and he is doing better.  He loves Claire though and she adores him.  It's so cute to watch!


Claire is 1 and growing too fast for my liking!  How has one year already past??  It's just crazy!  She is smart, sweet, strong willed and SO cute!  She has the prettiest eyes and cutest smile!  She is definitely a mama's girl. I'm not gonna lie...I LOVE that!  We are working with her on signing and is quite successful as signing "more".  As in "more food"!  Man does that girl love to eat!  And when it's time to eat she claps her hands together letting us know she's ready to pray!  


Miya is the oldest and will be 14 in January.  I remember when she was just 4!  Time certainly does get fly and I really notice it when I look at my older kids.  Miya has grown into such a beautiful girl.  She loves to sing and likes to write her own songs.  She's had a bit of a tough year though.  Her mom moved her (again) to another town because she found another guy she wanted to move in with.  Poor Miya had to leave her friends and her school and move to another town that's a little rougher.  She is also struggling spiritually.  Watching her walk away from "her faith" is one of the most difficult things we've had to go through this year.  Hearing her say she doesn't believe in God and question everything is so sad.  Unfortunately she is only with us for 4 days out of the month.  The rest she is with her mother who sadly doesn't care.


I wish you could convince someone of how badly they need the Lord.  Sadly that is not that case as Mike and I have seen with other family members as well.  I pray for them though.  I pray the blinder will fall off and they will see how desperately they need Christ.  How they can't believe what they want to believe and leave the rest.  


Aside from that this past year was very busy and hectic for me as I tried to juggle a new baby, two other children, homeschooling and working from home.  Needless to say it was a challenging and frustrating year.  A huge blessing has been me being able to stop working from home as of January!  I will miss the company I work for, but am so excited to "just" be mommy and wife and do what I'm meant to do here at home.


With all that being said it's been a good year.  We are healthy, we have a home, Mike has a job, we have food on our table and clothes on our back.  We have an amazing church family and are so blessed with amazing friends...family really!


We are truly blessed and I am so thankful to God that He saved me and chose to bless me with my husband, my family and our church.  I do not take any of it for granted.  I don't deserve such amazing blessings, but thank Him for blessing me anyway.


Here is to 2012!

"Preferring one another in love doesn't always mean you will be preferred in return. But there is a precious joy that flows out of that obedience, knowing that God keeps His promises."

(borrowed from a friend on Facebook)

God's Knows

  I know I keep slipping in and out of blogging...my heart is dying to get back to it, but the time to blog consistently is just not there right now.


However, I needed to pop in and say that I am always amazed, humbled and completely blessed when God brings people to mind and directs us to pray for them.  We may not know the how's or why's, but He does.  


Today a friend sent me a message on Facebook just letting me know that while she was brewing some pumpkin spice coffee God brought me to her mind and impressed upon her to pray for me.  This is what she said, "Decided to make some pumpkin spice coffee this afternoon, and prayed for you while it brewed.  Not sure what for, but just that you'd feel God's love and peace today.  Funny how He speaks to us.  Xox."


She had no idea that later on this afternoon I would be attending calling hours for a coworker that passed away suddenly.  He was only 30.


She had no idea, but God did.


Isn't that amazing?  What a mighty and awesome God we serve.  I am so thankful for a loving God and faithful friends.

Remembering

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.


Today I am remembering the two babies we lost in June (due December 16, 2009) and September (due May 26, 2010) of 2009.  I don't think I've ever felt pain that deep or devastating before.  Losing a child, no matter how tiny, is the most painful experience I've ever had to endure.


To this day I will still cry if I talk about the babies for any length of time.  Most of the time I just quickly mention it and move on because I know the tears are right around the corner.  Somehow that just feels wrong though.  As if I'm not honoring their amazing life.  I think I breeze over it because I know that crying makes other people uncomfortable.  They don't know what to do or they think they have to say something understanding or witty.


You really don't have to say anything.  Just a hug or an "I'm praying for you" or a thoughtful gesture is perfect.  Nothing forced.  You really don't need to find the right words.  Sometimes there are none.


If you do feel the need to say something please don't say, "I understand."  Unless, of course, you've been or are experiencing the loss of a child.  If you haven't then you really don't understand the pain and sadness.  You can imagine what you would feel like, but that's not the same.


Someone in my life would always say, "I completely understand."  "I know what you're feeling."  All I wanted to do was scream, "NO!  No you do NOT understand or know what I'm feeling!  You've never lost a child!"


Of course, I didn't.  I just nodded and moved on.  What good does it do if I get mad at them?  The comment may be meant as a comfort, but they are not thinking of the person, they are thinking about what they think sounds right to say.


So, today, if you speak with someone who has lost a child due to miscarriage, stillbirth, just born, infant, toddler, child, teen, adult etc please just give them a hug, ask them how you can pray for them or just provide a silent, loving gesture showing them you support them and care about them.


That is the best thing you could do for them.  Oh, and let them talk and cry if need be.  Sometimes that's the best type of support you can offer.  A shoulder.


To my two little babies in heaven:
I loved and cherished you from the moment I knew you were growing inside me.  I was so excited reading the "pregnant" test and I quickly counted the days on the calendar so I knew when I would hold you in my arms.  God brought you home soon after though and now you are resting in His arms, in His presence.  I love you both and still mourn our loss of you both.  God has bigger plans though and I don't question Him at all.  He has since blessed us with your sister, Claire.  You would absolutely love her.  I can't wait for the day when I will finally get to see you, my babies!  I love you both with all my heart, your mama.

Mmmmmmm

  I think I will be making these lovely onion bagels sometime soon!