Quiet Time & a Cup of Coffee

Not Afraid to Stand Alone….

2012-02-11T13:03:00.001-05:00

….because I’m not really alone!

My Hope Is Built

by Edward Mote

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

Refrain

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

Refrain

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

Refrain

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

Refrain

Reflections

2012-01-05T21:03:00.000-05:00

December and Christmas passed by in a big blur. All the kiddos were sick starting with Claire and going from youngest to oldest. High fevers were the telltale sign we were in for a longer illness.

Usually I am sad to see Christmas end, but this year I found myself not really dwelling on it that much. Maybe because I was thinking about my kids being healthy. It's such a hard thing for a mama to watch her babies get sick.

Speaking of baby...today I am 9 weeks pregnant! I have to say there are times I forget I'm pregnant. I know it's mostly because of how busy I am. I just don't want to take any moment for granted. I've been thinking about the two babies we lost to miscarriage before Claire Bear. I keep praying that God will protect this baby and keep him or her growing strong and healthy.

My other three "babies" are getting SO big!

Afton is 8 and growing up much too fast for my liking. She is a little version of me. It's almost as if we are (sometimes) the same person. She is aware of everything and knows details to things that even Mike doesn't remember! She has such a kind, loving heart. Although she has a selfish streak in her (who doesn't?), but it's something we are working really hard with her on. Afton is like a little mother to Claire. She can take over for me if I need to get some stuff done and I know (for the most part) that she'll do a great job. Sometimes there are a bit TOO many Cheerios being fed to Claire, but I try to let that slide.

Caleb is 6 and is my super sensitive, quiet loner. Not in a bad way. Just in a "Caleb" sort of way. He is content to go into his room, close the door, and play Legos all by himself. Or he'll just sit on his bed and read a book. Sensitive though! Boy, he sure can cry at the drop of a hat. We're working on him with that and he is doing better. He loves Claire though and she adores him. It's so cute to watch!

Claire is 1 and growing too fast for my liking! How has one year already past?? It's just crazy! She is smart, sweet, strong willed and SO cute! She has the prettiest eyes and cutest smile! She is definitely a mama's girl. I'm not gonna lie...I LOVE that! We are working with her on signing and is quite successful as signing "more". As in "more food"! Man does that girl love to eat! And when it's time to eat she claps her hands together letting us know she's ready to pray!

Miya is the oldest and will be 14 in January. I remember when she was just 4! Time certainly does get fly and I really notice it when I look at my older kids. Miya has grown into such a beautiful girl. She loves to sing and likes to write her own songs. She's had a bit of a tough year though. Her mom moved her (again) to another town because she found another guy she wanted to move in with. Poor Miya had to leave her friends and her school and move to another town that's a little rougher. She is also struggling spiritually. Watching her walk away from "her faith" is one of the most difficult things we've had to go through this year. Hearing her say she doesn't believe in God and question everything is so sad. Unfortunately she is only with us for 4 days out of the month. The rest she is with her mother who sadly doesn't care.

I wish you could convince someone of how badly they need the Lord. Sadly that is not that case as Mike and I have seen with other family members as well. I pray for them though. I pray the blinder will fall off and they will see how desperately they need Christ. How they can't believe what they want to believe and leave the rest.

Aside from that this past year was very busy and hectic for me as I tried to juggle a new baby, two other children, homeschooling and working from home. Needless to say it was a challenging and frustrating year. A huge blessing has been me being able to stop working from home as of January! I will miss the company I work for, but am so excited to "just" be mommy and wife and do what I'm meant to do here at home.

With all that being said it's been a good year. We are healthy, we have a home, Mike has a job, we have food on our table and clothes on our back. We have an amazing church family and are so blessed with amazing friends...family really!

We are truly blessed and I am so thankful to God that He saved me and chose to bless me with my husband, my family and our church. I do not take any of it for granted. I don't deserve such amazing blessings, but thank Him for blessing me anyway.

Here is to 2012!

2011-11-18T21:27:00.000-05:00

"Preferring one another in love doesn't always mean you will be preferred in return. But there is a precious joy that flows out of that obedience, knowing that God keeps His promises."

(borrowed from a friend on Facebook)

God's Knows

2011-11-17T15:23:00.000-05:00

I know I keep slipping in and out of blogging...my heart is dying to get back to it, but the time to blog consistently is just not there right now.

However, I needed to pop in and say that I am always amazed, humbled and completely blessed when God brings people to mind and directs us to pray for them. We may not know the how's or why's, but He does.

Today a friend sent me a message on Facebook just letting me know that while she was brewing some pumpkin spice coffee God brought me to her mind and impressed upon her to pray for me. This is what she said, "Decided to make some pumpkin spice coffee this afternoon, and prayed for you while it brewed. Not sure what for, but just that you'd feel God's love and peace today. Funny how He speaks to us. Xox."

She had no idea that later on this afternoon I would be attending calling hours for a coworker that passed away suddenly. He was only 30.

She had no idea, but God did.

Isn't that amazing? What a mighty and awesome God we serve. I am so thankful for a loving God and faithful friends.

Remembering

2011-10-15T08:24:00.001-04:00

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.

Today I am remembering the two babies we lost in June (due December 16, 2009) and September (due May 26, 2010) of 2009. I don't think I've ever felt pain that deep or devastating before. Losing a child, no matter how tiny, is the most painful experience I've ever had to endure.

To this day I will still cry if I talk about the babies for any length of time. Most of the time I just quickly mention it and move on because I know the tears are right around the corner. Somehow that just feels wrong though. As if I'm not honoring their amazing life. I think I breeze over it because I know that crying makes other people uncomfortable. They don't know what to do or they think they have to say something understanding or witty.

You really don't have to say anything. Just a hug or an "I'm praying for you" or a thoughtful gesture is perfect. Nothing forced. You really don't need to find the right words. Sometimes there are none.

If you do feel the need to say something please don't say, "I understand." Unless, of course, you've been or are experiencing the loss of a child. If you haven't then you really don't understand the pain and sadness. You can imagine what you would feel like, but that's not the same.

Someone in my life would always say, "I completely understand." "I know what you're feeling." All I wanted to do was scream, "NO! No you do NOT understand or know what I'm feeling! You've never lost a child!"

Of course, I didn't. I just nodded and moved on. What good does it do if I get mad at them? The comment may be meant as a comfort, but they are not thinking of the person, they are thinking about what they think sounds right to say.

So, today, if you speak with someone who has lost a child due to miscarriage, stillbirth, just born, infant, toddler, child, teen, adult etc please just give them a hug, ask them how you can pray for them or just provide a silent, loving gesture showing them you support them and care about them.

That is the best thing you could do for them. Oh, and let them talk and cry if need be. Sometimes that's the best type of support you can offer. A shoulder.

To my two little babies in heaven:
I loved and cherished you from the moment I knew you were growing inside me. I was so excited reading the "pregnant" test and I quickly counted the days on the calendar so I knew when I would hold you in my arms. God brought you home soon after though and now you are resting in His arms, in His presence. I love you both and still mourn our loss of you both. God has bigger plans though and I don't question Him at all. He has since blessed us with your sister, Claire. You would absolutely love her. I can't wait for the day when I will finally get to see you, my babies! I love you both with all my heart, your mama.

Mmmmmmm

2011-09-13T12:59:00.000-04:00

I think I will be making these lovely onion bagels sometime soon!

Humility

2011-09-01T13:35:00.000-04:00

Encouragement for today:

Humility is perfect quietness of heart. It is to expect nothing, to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised. It is to have a blessed home in the Lord, where I can go in and shut the door, and kneel to my Father in secret, and am at peace as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and above is trouble.
-- Andrew Murray

Grunt Fish, Moldy Cheese & Sin

2011-06-08T11:05:00.000-04:00

It was just the girls in the living room this morning. Me, Afton and Claire. I handed Afton the new issue of Creation Magazine because she saw a very pretty, bright and colorful picture on the front.

As she was flipping through she came to a section talking about how butterfly fish clean the parasites out of the grunt fish's mouth.

Butterfly fish

Grunt fish

This led us to talk about sin in our lives and how we need Christ to clean up the sin in our lives.

To illustrate this in a way Afton would understand I explained how mold "infects" soft cheese and it spreads throughout the cheese.

Once it's in the middle the whole cheese has to be thrown away. I explained how we need Jesus to "clean us" from the inside out and then how we need to be "protected" by reading our Bible and praying. Just like the plastic wrap protects the cheese. We need to make sure we don't expose ourselves to mold (aka: sin).

In a nutshell we had a great conversation that Afton completely understood!

That was homeschooling at it's best!!!!

Ever day life, a simple magazine article and a few quiet, uninterrupted minutes to talk about the things that really matter.

Homemade Vanilla Extract

2011-05-19T13:00:00.000-04:00

Do you see the lovely jars sitting in my cupboard? Me too! I love looking at them, admiring them and shaking them. Yes, shaking.

In 6 months I'm also gonna love opening them up and using what's inside. Yum!

It's so easy too.

All you need are:

Vanilla beans (Which I purchased from Ebay. I was able to get 1lb for $29.99 which is a great price and they sent 1/4 lb free!)
Cheap vodka
Jars

You will need 3 beans per 1 cup of vodka.
Cut vanilla beans in half lengthwise while still leaving it attached at the top.
Put them into the jar & add the appropriate amount of vodka.
Seal and store in a cool, dry place.
Don't forget to shake it once a week.

In 6 months you will have homemade vanilla extract which you can use to your little hearts content.

Just remember your homemade extract will be slightly stronger than what you are used to purchasing at the store so use a little less.

Oh, and if you get this started sooner rather than later you will have a wonderful, homemade Christmas gift to give to the bakers in your life!

Enjoy!

A Day You Will Remember

2011-05-02T21:56:00.001-04:00

"Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles." Proverbs 24:17

I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one,

not even an enemy.
~unknown~

Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness:

only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.

Martin Luther King Jr.

I listened and watched with mixed emotions as the local news proclaimed Osama Bin Laden was dead.

I think I mostly sat there feeling slightly shocked. It's been almost 10 years in the making and

now that it's finally happened it feels unreal.

I can see why people would be celebrating in the streets, but I'll be honest...I felt very mixed emotions. While I am happy his live influence will never again pollute our life I do know his teachings will live on.

I also felt a sense of sadness. Sadness over the amount of rejoicing over the death of human beings. He was an evil human being, but to be joyful over his death? I can't feel good about that.

God does not wish that anyone perish, but that all would come to Him. He gives us each a choice though. We can choose to follow him (even as we take our last breath) or we can choose to think we have it all figured out and that we'll get to heaven on our own deeds.

The verse, the first quote and the MLK Jr. quote sum up my feelings perfectly.

I just wanted to put that out there. It's been on my mind all day and I wanted to make sure I would remember what I was thinking this very day.

My "5 Months After the New Year" Resolution

2011-04-25T21:05:00.000-04:00

I believe 100% that you do not have to wait until the start of a new year to make a resolution. Or Monday. Or your next birthday. Or Lent.

So, starting tomorrow I am on a sugar fast.

I will allow myself to have only the sugar I put in my coffee & oatmeal. That's it. No cookies. No discounted Easter candy that only comes out once a year. No delicious, homemade baked yumminess. Nope.

As a sign of my commitment I gave Mike my tin of Cadbury Mini Eggs and Hershey chocolate eggs and told him to hide them. That way I won't be tempted to dig in on "one of those days". I'm the type of person that has to go cold turkey. I can't have one foot in and one foot out.

So, here goes nothin'. Well, something, actually. And it better be some loss of poundage and newfound energy 'cause this baby belly has GOT to go!

Feel free to join in if you want to. I could use all the support I can get. It helps keep me accountable!

Leaving My Burden at the Foot of the Cross

2011-04-08T13:45:00.000-04:00

There are people in this life who will criticize your decisions. They will tell you you could be doing something different. That you should make better choices. They will imply that your decision was the wrong one and to change it.

No matter what other people say just remember that the only one you need to please is God. If you are making the wisest decisions possible and your spouse is 100% supportive than you have nothing to worry about.

The decisions may not be the easiest or most comfortable (physically, emotionally or spiritually), but sometimes they are necessary because that's what it takes to raise your children, tend to your family and serve others.

Some will not understand that and may ridicule you for it. Especially if it cramps their style. It is coming from a very selfish place in their heart.

Your obligation is to love your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. Second is to love your neighbor as yourself. That does not mean doing what they think is right.

With that said I will leave my burden at the foot of the cross, commit my actions to God through prayer, pray for a good attitude and continue doing what He has called me to do.

My "gloomy" Monday

2011-04-06T20:47:00.000-04:00

It's Monday morning, about 10:45. Claire fell asleep on my chest and is making smacking noises with her lips and gently snoring.

I can hear the dryer running. A button is clinking the inside of the dryer.

Afton and Caleb are playing Legos in the living room. I can hear the Legos being moved around.

It's grey and damp outside and some would look at this as a gloomy Monday. However, inside my house the sun is shining. We are warm, kids are playing peacefully and I have a beautiful baby girl asleep on my chest.

As I listen to her sleepy baby noises I couldn't be more thankful for this "gloomy Monday.

Joy In Motherhood

2011-02-16T13:51:00.000-05:00

I have found a new joy in becoming a mother for the 3^rd time.

One could argue that it's age & wisdom. Others could say it's because I know what I'm doing now. I can tell you one thing...it's definitely not because it's easier. Going from two to three children has been the biggest adjustment of my life. Things take longer. More people need me. Work load is increased and I still have all the “normal” things that need to be done.

So, while age, wisdom and knowledge may be true I think it's something deeper. Something only God can give to a mom. It's a joy that only comes from Him. Knowing this is what I was created to do is so comforting. I am exactly where God wants me to be right now.

Even through many sleepless nights and crazy days I still look at Claire when she is nursing and am filled with a love that I can't describe.

I look at my other two children, Afton and Caleb, and feel so blessed that God would see fit to make me their mama.

So when things get tough and I get tired...when I feel so exhausted and discouraged...I try to remember that “this too shall pass” and I should enjoy every kid filled moment while I can. They will soon be grown and gone and I will wish for these moments again.

My house may be covered with kid items, but I will treasure it while I have it because soon enough my house will be empty and spotless. It is then I will be wishing for another load of laundry to do, more homemade pictures on the wall and endless amounts of toys to step over.

Psalm 127:3 (NASB) "Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward."

True Confessions - Mommy Style

2011-02-09T08:24:00.000-05:00

(I'm trying to come back slowly...I really am...I make no promises though!)

Only three confessions today:

The other night Claire spit up all over one of my shoulders. I was so tired I just wiped my shirt off with a towel and went to bed. It dried.

Last night Mike taught the kids how to play Halo on Xbox. They are having a blast shooting things. (Even though I normally don't condone shooting!)

Last night I danced with Claire to The Doors “Alabama Song (Whiskey Bar)” - she loved it! (I don't condone drinking with children :) The song has a nifty sound though...very dance-able!)

That's all I can come up with right now.

Announcement (Better Late Than Never)

2010-12-08T10:34:00.000-05:00

(I'm 4 weeks and 2 days late in making this announcement...sorry!)

We would like to welcome Claire Elizabeth to our family!!!

She was born on November 8th at 6:44am

and weighed 8lbs, 6oz (my lightest baby!) and was 20 1/2 inches long.

She is absolutely beautiful and has completely stolen our hearts.

The transition from two to three children has been tougher than I imagined, however I wouldn't trade one sleepless moment of it.

The kids love her to pieces and I have to say mom and dad think she's pretty cool too!

I'll post about her birth at another point, but this is what I could squeak out for now. The other post has been a week in the making and each time I think I can finish it Claire starts fussing, kids need feeding or laundry needs to be folded.

Ah yes...the life of a mother...and I'm not taking any moment for granted either!

I Heart This Nailpolish Color

2010-10-31T07:00:00.000-04:00

I cannot tell you how much I love, love, love this color!

ZOYA Wicked Nail Polish Collection in Carrie Ann

I may have to be on a hunt for it this week. Hopefully before the baby's born!

I can find it here, but don't want to pay the shipping.

I have yet to look on Amazon though! They may have it and it

may be eligible for Amazon Prime!

I'm a woman on a mission!

Kids, Rocks & Hammers Make for Great Science

2010-10-30T06:02:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago the kids and I skipped outside for a bit of smashing fun! We grabbed our "safety glasses" (which happened to be Miya's spy kit glasses because the real safety glasses were missing), our hammer and our geodes and sat down on the driveway and hammered away!

This is what happens when you give the kids the Oriental Trading Company magazine to look at! Actually, that's what happens when you give it to your husband...lol!

After our smashing we talked about the pretty rocks and how they were formed (thanks to Google I was able to give a quick, kid friendly account!) and how the rocks we just opened came from Mexico.

Anyway, here are a few pictures of the fun!!

Love = The Green "Clean" Light on the Dishwasher

2010-10-27T12:42:00.000-04:00

I just have to say...

"I have the most thoughtful husband in the world!"

He came home from work late last night. Everyone was in bed and asleep. He left this morning well before anyone was awake. When I went to get my coffee at 6:30 this morning I noticed things were "different".

Come to find out he had emptied the dishwasher last night with stealth like skill ("silent like a ninja" in his words)...super quiet...one dish/utensil at a time! He said it took a LONG time!!!

I never even heard him and I usually hear everything!

He even wiped around the stove and counter and made sure my sink was shiny!

To top it all off he purposefully didn't close the dishwasher all the way because

he didn't want the little green "clean" light to go off! This way I wouldn't

know it had been emptied until I went to take care of it myself.

He sure knows how to speak to a woman's heart...well, my heart anyway! That was the most romantic thing he could have done for me!

Thank you, my love! I am so blessed to be your wife ♥

A Day at the Orchard

2010-10-26T21:38:00.000-04:00

I am a bit behind in posting, but I have a good excuse. Really. I do. I just can't think of it right now. Could be the baby that is due on Thursday. Yeah. That's it.

A few weekends ago we ventured out to a local apple orchard that has the best, to-die-for apple cider donuts. We went to pick apples too, but the donuts are always the highlight.

The day happened to be a bit windy and chilly, but we're New Englanders! We're tough. We go through winter in shorts and flip flops. Ok, maybe not shorts, but I have worn flip flops in winter. Something about not being able to let them go.

Where was I?

Oh...yes, we were going apple picking. The main objective was to get apples so I could make a few homemade pies. Which I did. I ended up making 4 pies and only 1 stayed home. I was a little bummed especially after all that hard work, but I gave them up willingly since it made other people very happy.

Here are a few pictures from our apple picking adventures.

Waiting for the tractor to come around

Pretty Orchard

Reach!

Caleb loves sticks!

The pros

Going around again

The only proof I was there :)

So, that was our fun and exciting apple picking trip! I only wish the season hadn't been so short because I would love to go one more time! There is nothing like fresh picked apples from an orchard!

Yummmmmmm

Aaaargh Matey!

2010-10-18T08:01:00.000-04:00

Caleb informed me the other day that his Lego man has an eye patch!

I thought that was pretty cute and clever.

Of course, he is one of our kiddos so I'm a bit partial!

Because It's Not

2010-10-07T14:49:00.000-04:00

...because it's not Friday.

...because I'm super tired.

...because I have nothing witty to say

...and because if I don't have anything nice to say I should not say anything at all...

I will leave you with this very funny card I sent to my sister. We used to watch "What Not to Wear" together all the time so when I saw this card in the store I had to pick it up. It still makes me laugh when I read it.

...and today laughter is much needed because I'm running short.

It's a Sad, Sad Day

2010-10-05T18:37:00.000-04:00

You know it's the end of summer when these disappear from the shelves.

It's also right about the time I start frantically searching for the last of these lovely treats.

I call about a million stores asking if they can send some to my local store so I can stock up!

I always have high hopes of making them last, but it never happens.

Either way I definitely enjoy them while I have them. I just wish they weren't seasonal. *sad*

Homemade Orange Julius

2010-10-04T10:23:00.000-04:00

This is not a recipe I thought I would ever like. However, when I found a recipe similar to it online I was reminded of my dad and how much he enjoys them, so I thought I would give it a ring.

I modified the recipe to fit what I had in my fridge and cupboards and tweaked it to our taste.

1 cup OJ
1/2 cup milk, almond milk and/or soy milk work just fine as well
2 TBS sugar (or sweetener of choice), tweak to your taste
1 tsp vanilla
6 ice cubes

Blend all ingredients (except ice cubes) for a minute or so. Add Ice cubes and blend until smooth.

Verdict: My dad, my hubby and my kids loved it!! I'm not a big orange drink/creamsicle fan, but I thought this was pretty good too. Definitely a hit & very dessert like. Which is great because I can use zylitol or some other healthy sweetener (is there such a thing???) and my kids think I've given them the best dessert ever!

27 Days To Go

2010-10-01T05:35:00.000-04:00

Only 27 more days until D-day (delivery day). Can you tell I'm anxious for that day to arrive?

Doctors always tell you that every pregnancy is different. I believed them...really, I did. However, it wasn't really real until I experienced it for myself.

To say this pregnancy has been different is an understatement.

Nothing has been like my other two, full term pregnancies. Except for the healthy baby part. For which I am so thankful.

Knowing this little one is healthy makes all the pain worth it and let me just say this has been one painful pregnancy.

People are probably sick of hearing about it. Well, try imagining having to deal with it on a constant, daily basis. While raising two very active little kiddos and working from home while my hubby is hard at working for many hours of the day. (He leaves at 4:30am and most days we don't see him until at least 6:30pm or later...sometimes we don't see him at all)

I'm sick of feeling it.

I just keep looking towards the "prize" at the end. A new little love bug to cuddle and love. I can't wait for that day.

Yes, it's all worth it.

I do have a doctors appointment today so I will be bringing up my concerns and asking if there is anything, ANYTHING they can do for the pain. 'Cause mama needs some sleep...desperately!

36 Weeks

2010-09-30T08:44:00.000-04:00

Only 28 more days to go!!

...and you may be thinking "Geesh! Doesn't that girl have any other shirts?!" The answer is "yes, I do." It's just so much easier to see the changes when you wear the same shirt for each progress shot :)

There is a method to my madness! Really.

Oh, and I didn't want my head in this picture. My hair hadn't been dried yet so it was

tossed up in a few clips and a ponytail. Definitely not picture ready!

My Disability, His Ability

2010-09-24T11:09:00.002-04:00

The morning arrived and I had high hopes of getting started with my quiet time & a cup of coffee. I had plans of showering and then spending some time reading the book we're starting in Sunday School, Crazy Love. Very quickly I realized my hopes were going to be dashed. I kept trudging through in hopes my morning would improve while realizing my quiet time was going to be anything but quiet.

You see, the storm was brewing and and this was one of those mornings things were not gonna go as "planned".

I eventually lost my temper with the kids when the third bout of crying happened. I had asked them to please play quietly and nicely! Didn't they realize I was trying to spend time with God?! How hypocritical of me though. Instead of demonstrating God's love and patience I chose to lose mine. How could I go back and try to read this book when I wasn't very loving? How could I teach my children patience when I wasn't willing to demonstrate it?

So, I apologized and decided to just start the day. I made breakfast and the morning went along with me still feeling all stormy on the inside.

I could blame it on hormones (which wouldn't be completely false) because all I want to do is cry lately. I could blame it on lack of sleep (again, not false). I could even blame it on not having a moment to myself and desperately needing it (completely true).

However, the truth is I was feeling like I deserved this quiet time. I deserved a moment to gather my thoughts and then jump into my day. I deserved to do something for myself before giving to others. I, I, I.....Can you say "selfish"?

I was being completely selfish and justifying what I wanted instead of paying attention to what God wanted me to be doing. I began to stew over all the things that I felt entitled to...all the things "someone" should realize or recognize. I kept thinking about how I felt, how tired my body was, how much work being a stay at home and work at home mom is and how I wanted someone to come home and rescue me. To come in and be my strength and support. It just snowballed from there...

Then I realized that while someone should be that rock, strength and support I was expecting it to come from only one source and when that source failed me things crumbled.

No matter how a human being may fail me God never will. He alone should be my strength when I am weak. He is my support when things crumble around me. He is my rock and my shield when I need protecting.

Instead of looking outward for this I need to be looking upward!

Psalm 18:1-2

"I love you, Lord; you are my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety."

Those are only the first two verses so I encourage you to read all of Psalm 18 because it is so powerful and encouraging. God is who gives us strength. Not ourselves, not our spouses, not our friends or family. They will fail us. God never will.

In speaking about strength I was remembering something the pastor said on Sunday that really spoke to me. We were looking at Mark 3:1-6 and it was speaking about how Jesus healed the man with the withered hand. Now this man had had this withered hand all his life. It was not able to be used. The man knew this. He knew he could not do anything with it. Yet Jesus gave him a command to stretch out his hand. A hand that was physically not able to be stretched out. The man, knowing this, stretched out his hand and Jesus made it whole.

Then the pastor says this,

"The strength to do everything we have ever needed to do in our Christian life comes from God. God's ability steps in to take over our disability. It requires an active faith and trust in God."

Wow.

I have tears in my eyes even now!

How did he know exactly what I've been feeling?! He didn't, but God did.

He knew I've been feeling disabled, helpless, overwhelmed, tired, in pain and without strength. He knew how alone I've been feeling at home, all day with very little adult interaction. He knows the cries of my heart and the feelings I feel.

The pastor also said this,

"God gives us the grace and strength to go through the suffering and the physical pain.

It just requires an act of obedience on our part. We have to confess our need first and trust God for the strength to do what we need to do. God will not mock our weakness."

Needless to say I walked out last Sunday with a lot of emotions.

God may not take away the physical pains or the the struggles of the day. He may not change hearts and actions of others so that things are made easier for me. However, He will give me the strength to make it through even when I don't feel like I have the strength or ability to go on.

Just like Jesus calmed the stormy seas God can calm the storm in my heart and give me the strength to carry on when everything inside me says I can't.

God's ability steps in to take over our disability.

A Letter from Afton

2010-09-17T16:16:00.000-04:00

It reads...

"You worked so hard. How about you stop after you worked and put your feet up while we play outside. Love Afton"

She made a point of showing me my belly too :)

Tired.

2010-09-13T21:40:00.000-04:00

I think today was probably my toughest day yet. I know I've thought that before, but the further along I get with this pregnancy the more tired my body gets and the faster it gets tired too.

I have to keep reminding myself how blessed we are to have a healthy baby. It's easy to get down about the physical pains (and trust me! They're painful pains!) and not focus on the healthy baby growing inside.

The closer I get to my due date the more I need to take it easy, not push myself and give my body the rest it needs. Especially since I'm not getting a good night sleep anymore.

I really felt it today when I realized how bad I felt and also realized I had a fever. I pretty much figured it out at that point that I cannot do it all anymore. It's physically impossible. I may want to do it all, but it's actually unwise at this point. I'm pushing myself too hard and it has to stop.

I only have a little over 6 weeks left until my due date. I'm going for 7 weeks since I'm usually late. We shall see what this time around brings us to though. I will be happy with early!

33 weeks. Yes, I took this picture in a public restroom :)

Until then I think I'll focus on not running around during the day (as much), maybe limiting it to once or twice a week. I'll also be trying to finish organizing our bedroom so we can make room for this little love bug. I don't have too much to do. It's just finding the time to file the papers, go through the pictures and find homes for the odds and ends that seem to be hanging around.

Maybe I should do a before, during & after post about my "L" shaped corner of the room that is the problem area I'll be dealing with.

Hmmm...we'll see if I'm brave enough!!!

Afton

2010-09-10T06:19:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday to my beautiful love bug!

7 years ago I became a mama when you entered the world!

I am so blessed to be your mommy & I am so thankful God gave you to us.

You are such a smart, beautiful, thoughtful, amazing and precious girl and I cannot wait to see how you blossom into a beautiful young lady.

I love you with all my heart and always will!

Love,

Your Mama

What 2nd Trimester?

2010-09-08T20:26:00.000-04:00

Yeah. I'm pretty sure the 2nd trimester decided to skip over me this pregnancy. I went right from 1st to 3rd. Yup, that's right. I went from feeling sick (with a few weeks of feeling "ok") to feeling like I'm ready to pop with all the 3rd trimester symptoms included.

Can someone explain how or why this would happen? I was totally looking forward to the 2nd trimester...better known as the "honeymoon stage". Instead I went from pre-marital counseling to nursing home. No wedding. No honeymoon.

I will say that I have not gained nearly as much weight as I did with the other two pregnancies. So, that is my silver lining, I guess.

Today I am feeling like I could go at any minute. In fact, it made me realize just how much I need to get straightened out! Pretty much put a fire under my tush. Braxton Hicks contractions will do that to you. After they pass, that is. And with 7 weeks left in this pregnancy I'm beginning to feel the "oh my goodness we're gonna have another baby in the house" jitters. Good jitters. Jitters nonetheless.

So, here's to no 2nd trimester to speak of. Kankles. 3rd trimester symptoms up the wazoo. No sleep. Waddling. Lansinoh. Swelling fingers. Last minute preparations. Pillows surrounding my body when I sleep. A very healthy, active baby. BOOBS! A very excited brother and sister. Cute cloth diapers. Not knowing the sex of the baby.

...and most of all?

The blessing of another love bug!!

And, yes, I would/will do this again in a heartbeat!

Silly Boy

2010-08-30T19:57:00.000-04:00

(Taken when the kiddos were @ camp with Grammie & Grampa)

Intuition

2010-08-29T21:15:00.001-04:00

God given intuition is a funny thing. Not a "haha" funny thing though. It can prepare you for the worst so you're not surprised when something comes up. It's a blessing actually. There have been several times in my life when I "knew" something. Not something good either. I knew when someone was lying to me, being dishonest and hiding something from me.

I can't say I was happy to be right because I would have given anything to be wrong. The pain, hurt, frustration and disappointment was not something I wanted to feel. However, I was so thankful to God for preparing me for this news.

I only wish that person would realize what their dishonesty and lying is doing to our relationship. It makes you question everything they say. It makes you doubt their words. It can even make you resent them. I'm trying very hard to not let any anger creep in. I will be praying extra hard for God's peace, patience, love and forgiveness. I will be praying to God every day to give me the strength to bite my tongue. For Him to guard my speech.

I'm just thanking Him for the "heads up" so I was prepared when I found out the truth.

Thank you God for your intuition. You knew I couldn't handle "one more thing" or one more surprise.

Day of Worship

2010-08-29T07:15:00.000-04:00

Mmmmmmm.....

2010-08-27T13:40:00.000-04:00

Bring on the Fall weather :)

Father & Son

2010-08-26T07:29:00.000-04:00

Toothless Corn on the Cob Eater

2010-08-25T08:00:00.001-04:00

Afton comes up to me and say, "Hey Mom. I think I can eat corn on the cob now. I don't have any more wiggly teeth!"

I looked at her and giggled a little bit and then I said, "True, you don't have any more wiggly teeth, but you don't have any teeth in the front." *giggle* "How are you going to bite the corn without teeth?"

mckmama Inspired * I'm Gonna Miss This

2010-08-24T07:22:00.000-04:00

(I know my post just a little bit ago will seem to contradict what I'm saying now, but each post is true and how I feel in the right context)

So many days it's easy to get caught up in what needs to be done around our house or are so tired at the end of the day that we forget about what is even more important. Our children.

The pastor made this statement on Sunday morning, "Nothing is more important as parents then to BRING our children TO Christ."

Then this morning I read this post. My heart was broken. I love my children. With all my heart. I would give my life, the very air I breathe for them. So, why can't I give them all my patience during the day?

This pregnancy has been nothing like my other pregnancy's physically. There is a lot of pain involved and the day to day chores that need to be done around the house are so difficult. I want to cry most days, but can't. I have to be strong. I have to keep going. The house won't clean itself, dinner won't get made on it's own and laundry won't fold itself.

Then I start thinking about all the things that I should do before the baby is born. So I try to spend time weeding out and organizing. Most days I'm left feeling exhausted, in pain, overwhelmed, tired, unable to sleep due to the pain and just plain done.

By 5pm all I can think about is when I can crawl into bed, in silence, and relax for a few minutes before closing my eyes.

When I read the post this morning I just sat there and cried.

I will miss these days when my children are all smiles, innocent, wanting to play and be with me.

I will miss the days when they ask for "just one more hug" before bedtime.

I will miss the days of endless playing and laughter.

I will miss the funny, kid-isms that come out of their mouths. The ones I vow to remember, but forget to write down.

I will miss all of it.

These children are only on loan to us from God. They are not ours. They are His. He blessed us with these children and it is my responsibility to raise them for Him. To bring these children to Him daily. To teach and train them to be godly, Christian adults one day. To teach them by my example how we are to live, act, speak and behave.

I'm asking God to give me patience when I seem to have no more. When the exhaustion has set in and threatens to bubble up and out. I am praying for unconditional love when my kids do "that" again after they've been told a hundred times not to do that. For strength to keep going when I don't think I can take one more step without crying...

...And for the ability to see into the future...knowing that when my kids are grown I will want just a few more minutes with them in my lap, but won't be able to have it.

Today I will be more like Christ & cherish every moment with my kids.

Quiet Time Idea

2010-08-24T06:30:00.000-04:00

The other night I was speaking with another mom after the evening church service and one of the things we were talking about was teaching our children to sit quietly and sit still during the service. My kiddos like to be moving constantly so they struggle with just being still. However, there are times when that is exactly what they need to do.

She ended up giving me a great piece of advice and something to try with the kiddos.

So, her advice was to start with 10 minutes (or whatever minute increments work for you. We started with 15 minutes) a day. Explain to the kiddos that for the certain amount of minutes they are to sit quietly and sit still with a book (or notepad) for that length of time. Also explain that if they start being super squirmy or start talking then they will have another 10 minutes without a book. Explain to them they have a choice. Clearly state what will happen with either choice they make and follow through. Gradually increase the time over a week, two weeks, month etc until they are able to sit quietly with a book or notebook and pen/pencil/crayons for an hour.

So, last night I asked Afton and Caleb to pick up the toys they had been using, choose two books they would like to read and go sit on the couch. I explained the above and what I expected from them and asked if they understood. I set the timer and continued making dinner.

Afton did extremely well and read the whole time and even a little beyond the timer. Caleb did well also, however he wanted to get up after he was done reading his story. I had to explain that he was to sit there without getting up, however he could re-read his story. It took him a few tries, but he did great.

I have to tell you it was so nice to be able to have a 15 minute block of peace and quiet while making dinner! Usually I'm listening to them laugh, yell, play, be loud, run, jump and play with noisy toys. This was a very welcome break!

So, I think we're gonna try this again tomorrow. Perhaps we'll do 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the afternoon and keep on the "schedule" for a week or two.

This is also great training for being in quiet settings and being able to handle themselves without getting anxious, jittery and wiggly.

Don't get me wrong...I have no problem with kids running, jumping and being active. I know my kids need that! However, there is also nothing wrong with teaching and training them to be calm and quiet when it's appropriate or when they've been asked to. Church being the perfect example.

So, I'm excited to see how it goes tomorrow because we have other things we're gonna need to be starting on for our routine. Especially when we start schooling. This quiet time will be very useful for both the kids and mama!

Second Chances

2010-08-23T07:31:00.000-04:00

Last Wednesday night while tucking the kids into bed I reminded them they were not to fool around or get out of bed. (We've been having a very big issue with this over the past several months)

Because of that Afton has been starting the night out it Miya's room & then we move her to her bed after both she and Caleb have fallen asleep.

This evening was no different. After tucking Caleb in I went in to see Afton & reminded her (again) that she needed to stay in bed. She doesn't particularly care for having to start out in Miya's room, however I reminder her it was because of the choice she (and Caleb) decided to make to disobey.

I reminder her that we have gently spoke, reminded, disciplined, followed through with consequences and now we were back to separate bedrooms. No more "chances". Just obedience.

Her response was, "...but doesn't it say something in the Bible about giving second chances?"

(Smarty pants!)

I responded by saying, "Yes, but the Bible also tells children to obey their parents in the Lord because it's right, and it also talks about being disciplined if you don't obey."

So, today we'll be doing some reading from the Bible on obedience, how it works for children & adults and what the consequences are when we don't obey.

From Me...To Me

2010-08-20T20:51:00.000-04:00

Beach Fun

2010-08-19T05:10:00.000-04:00

Aches, Pains & No Sleep = Motherhood & Pregnancy

2010-08-18T07:29:00.000-04:00

Some days I wonder how I am able to make it through the day. As this day begins I'm wondering that very thing. How am I able to get up & go on the little sleep I've had? I would have to tell you that God gives me that strength. Even when I don't ask for it. I admit there are days I don't ask for it & I'm ashamed to say that. However, even in our imperfectness He is still perfect and loving and gives us the strength we need when we need it.

While this pregnancy has been wonderful, both the baby & myself are healthy, it's also been physically exhausting & painful for me. A lot of the aches & pains that normally show up in the third trimester decided to show up at 14 weeks, 20 weeks and so on.

I'm so happy to be pregnant and I try not to complain about the physical aches and pains, however they've been really, really painful. Even during the night when I sleep. It just doesn't end.

I'm also a light sleeper (thanks to having kiddos) so even little noises wake me up. The amount of sleep I need vs. the amount of sleep I get is way off.

So, I'm trying really hard to be thankful for who/what I have and not concentrate on the physical pains that threaten to take me out. I know it sounds dramatic, but that's how bad they are sometimes. I know it could be even worse though.

I've developed a pretty good morning/evening routine which helps. I basically can run on autopilot as long as I just do the next thing. This way I know the basics in my home are taken care of. The bathroom is clean, the laundry is done, the kitchen is clean and so on.

What I'm having a difficult time getting to is our bedroom. I have a corner & a dresser that has collected papers & binders and I need to organize it before the baby is born. However, I can't sit for more than 10 minutes because my ankles and feet swell. It gets pretty bad when I work so I have to put them up for at least 30 minutes just to make walking manageable.

I guess that is what frustrates me a lot too. The physical pain prevents me from doing the little things around the house that need to be done before the baby is born. So I keep praying for patience and I try to do a little here and there.

Friday I will be 30 weeks! Only 10 more weeks to. That is if I am on time...which I've never been. However, this pregnancy has been nothing like my other two full term pregnancies so you never know. I could go early! Wouldn't that be a surprise!

Either way I can't wait to meet our newest little love bug. I can't wait to see if it will be a boy or a girl. Who they will look like. How much they will weigh. What their personality will be like. I can't wait for our kiddos to meet their newest sibling. I can't wait to hold he/she and cuddle with them.

You know what else I can't wait for? My ~~spa retreat~~ hospital stay. Crazy as it sounds a hospital stay for a stay at home mom sounds like an amazing vacation. I'm not even joking. If you were to tell any stay at home mom that we could stay in a private room, with our baby, a remote, a button to ~~summon~~ call the nurse, room service and no house work or cleaning to do we would be all over that in a heartbeat. Who cares if it's in a hospital!! I'm there.

So, I'm gonna soak up those 2 days and enjoy spending time with my baby and being waited on.

Before I know it I'll be back to my routine which won't be routine anymore with a new baby and I'll be busy trying to figure out our new normal!

View At 2am

2010-08-18T02:27:00.000-04:00


After sending hubby off to work with a kiss & a coffee I couldn't sleep

This Is What I Felt Like Today

2010-08-16T20:31:00.000-04:00

My Girl

2010-08-15T07:00:00.000-04:00

29 Weeks

2010-08-14T07:00:00.001-04:00

(Taken August 13, 2010)

I'm Sorry

2010-08-13T07:00:00.002-04:00

(From my hubby...so sweet!)

Garden View

2010-08-12T07:00:00.000-04:00


(Not a bad view when you have to spend three hours at the hospital for your glucose test)

The "not so kiddie" kiddie pool

2010-08-11T07:00:00.001-04:00

Otherwise titled "I pumped this up by hand & it took forever"

"Simple" Math

2010-08-10T06:00:00.002-04:00

(Click on the the picture to enlarge)

Sunday

2010-08-09T07:00:00.000-04:00

Silly Girl

2010-08-08T08:00:00.000-04:00

Grocery Store Carousels

2010-08-07T08:00:00.002-04:00

I Remember Being 12 & This Was My Favorite Store Too!

2010-08-06T08:00:00.001-04:00

We hit Starbucks & Target after Claire's :)

Please Excuse Me While I Lick My Spoon

2010-08-05T11:00:00.001-04:00

Spa Like Relaxation

2010-08-04T21:04:00.000-04:00

A bathroom remodel would have to include this!

Summer Treats

2010-08-03T09:00:00.000-04:00

Fresh, Juicy Watermelon

2010-08-02T13:05:00.001-04:00

Best Shower & Tub Cleaner...Ever

2010-08-02T06:00:00.002-04:00

(I had to "interrupt" my break to tell you about this "recipe" I found...seriously amazing!)

I promise you won't be disappointed if you try this "recipe" for a shower & tub cleaner. Especially if you have a textured shower floor & can't ever seem to get it completely clean.

I clean my shower pretty regularly so you would think the shower floor would be pretty clean or at least easy to maintain. However, I always seemed to have several gray spots left that no brush or cleaner would pull up. I even used a Mr Clean Magic Eraser and didn't get the results I was looking for.

So, the other day I opened up the Everyday Cheapskate email from Mary Hunt & one of the paragraphs was about this amazing tub & shower cleaner.

Here is the exact entry taken directly from the Everyday Cheapskate email newsletter dated July 27th:

Tub and Shower Magic. If you haven’t experienced the power of original Blue Dawn plus white vinegar, you are in for a treat. Remove the top of a plastic spray bottle and fill it half full of white vinegar. Carefully heat it in the microwave until the vinegar is hot, taking care not to melt the bottle. Fill the rest of the bottle with Blue Dawn liquid dishwashing soap. Apply the top tightly. Gently shake the bottle to mix. That’s it. You now have a powerful cleaning product that will melt soap scum and tub and shower buildup, clean sinks, appliances and just about anything. Just spray it on, scrub, rinse and be amazed. For tough soap scum build-up, spray the mixture on and allow it to sit as long as overnight. Then, scrub and rinse.

I can speak from experience...this TOTALLY works like a charm. I had other things to do so I sprayed it on & then went about my business. Several hours & one scrubby brush later I had a sparkling tub & shower.

So easy, so cheap & totally green. Plus, I didn't need a gas mask since their were no chemicals! Love that part.

One thing though...don't pour hot, recently boiled vinegar into a plastic bottle. It will never be the same again! Trust me.

August Break 2010

2010-08-01T21:42:00.000-04:00

I've decided to join in the August Break of 2010 which means less words, more pictures! Thanks to Mrs. B for posting about this little blogging adventure. I've realized I have so many great pictures that I haven't shared so this will give me the opportunity to post them.

For all the details you can head over here and read about it.

Here are the first pictures for August. I not gonna be able to stick to just one...just so 'ya know :)

Ravings of a Pregnant Woman

2010-07-29T22:29:00.001-04:00

Ever feel like you can never find what you're looking for when you're looking for it? However, stop looking for something or needing something & you can't get away from it.

Well, the maternity clothes market seems to be dwindling except at Motherhood (where the prices are sometimes reasonable, but mostly higher end). Now, I can find maternity at other stores like JC Penney, but the section is quite small. That means my choices are very limited. Oh, and the styles are mostly, shall I say, outdated. Not all bad, but not exactly the styles I like to wear.

I used to be able to go to Old Navy, but the last time I checked they had a 1 foot section. Literally. And that just consisted of items that were returned to that store. They didn't even have a real maternity section. I think I ended up checking with three different Old Navy stores & was sorely disappointed. Even Wal-Mart got rid of their section. Seriously. At least I used to be able to use them as a last resort.

I'm just sayin'...there are lots of pregnant women out there & I'm sure they don't want to pay Motherhood prices or have to shop online. We can't exactly try the clothes on. We want to buy nice, stylish maternity clothes & pay Old Navy prices. Right? Right.

Well, that's my rant for today. Feel free to ignore the sleep deprived, swollen footed, waddling pregnant woman. She'll go away if you don't pay attention to her. I hope.

A pond, fireworks & a screeching moth

2010-07-19T09:05:00.000-04:00

Saturday started nice & early with my cleaning job. My hubby thinks I'm crazy for cleaning beach rental units in the dead of summer, in the heat & humidity while being 25 weeks pregnant. I tend to agree however I keep thinking of the extra money, the exercise (HA!) & it only lasting until September. That's what gets me through. That and knowing I have a green tea latte from Starbucks with my name on it. Mmmmm.

From there I ran home to shower & get ready & then we were off again! This was the day of our annual trip to Tucker Pond to visit our out of state family who is here for the summer. The day was really nice albeit a little hot for this expanding girl, however who am I to complain! I wasn't cleaning rental units & I could sit down. Worked for me!

It was a great day & the kids absolutely loved swimming with Uncle Tim, eating & taking the boat out for a row with Daddy!

Afton's "Mom! There's a bee around you!" face.

Complete with ketchup.

After that we were off to see some fireworks in a small town 40 minutes away. I just LOVE how this town waits to put on their fireworks show (which, by the way, is awesome!!!). There is no competing with surrounding towns on July 4th & since it's a small town the traffic getting out is never bad.

Unfortunately I didn't take a ton of pictures before the fireworks. Sad, I know. I can tell you though it was a great time! Frisbee, running (not by be), food, nail polish (yes..we're girls!), laughter, kiddos...it was great!

Can I just say the fireworks display was awesome. I think I may have mentioned that already, but it definitely needs to be repeated!

Now, you may think the excitement ends there, but trust me....more was about to be had.

So, we're driving home & we have about an hour and 15 minute ride home give or take a few minutes. Mike & I are looking at the time thinking we "wow, we're not doing too bad." A few minutes later Caleb says, "I have to go poopy."

Ugh...time to find a bathroom. "Ok honey. Try to hold it for a few minutes while we find a bathroom."

Now this town is not near a bathroom of any kind. So we have to drive at least 10 - 15 minutes.

First gas station (yuck)...closed.

Second gas station (yuck)...closed.

Burger king (not bad)...closed. Seriously?!?! It's 10:20!

Third gas station (grrrr)...open! Yay!

So, Mike takes Caleb in while I stay in the van with the girls. Just as the boys are walking out Afton says, "I have to go potty!" Grrr...again. Now it's a a good thing she says it now before we're on the highway, but by this time it was getting late & we just wanna get home.

So, in I tromp with Afton. Line the seat, "don't touch the potty!", wash your hands and we're good!

*whew*

...and we're back on the road!

So, we're driving kids are chatty for some reason & the rest of the van riders are tired. I feel a tickle on my arm. Thinking it's a hair or something I brush it off AND "IT" SCREAMS AT ME!!!!! IN MY EAR!

I scream, freak out and start frantically brushing at my clothes. Now the top I wore just happens to have gems sewed on it so everyone of them feel like a creature! I'm still frantically brushing and screeching when Mike says, "What should I do?"..."PULL OVER!" ( I really don't care if we're on a major highway...I'm being attacked by a screeching, screaming bug!!!!!)

I jump out of the van looking like a crazed pregnant woman jumping & brushing at her self. I was seriously going to take my shirt off because I was convinced this screaming bug was down it! Mike keeps telling me to get in the van because it's not safe and all I can think is it's not safe IN the van or in my own shirt!!!

I finally end up getting in convinced (more like hoping) this creature was gone! After a few minutes we're laughing about it & everyone is laughing at me. Mike never heard the screech though. He thought it was me...LOL.

All of a sudden we a screech! The van goes deathly silent. I turn on the light & realize it's coming from the back. WITH THE KIDS! As I turn around I see it crawling on Miya's leg.

Now at this point two things go through my head...

Say something now & have her freak out
Turn around, grab a napkin, turn back around, reach out to get the monster & then say it's on her.

Knowing Miya & knowing how I would react I choose option 2.

So, I reach out to grab it & quietly tell her it's on her leg, I get it just as she starts to freak! It's in my napkin clad hand & is starting to get out!! Eeeek! I open the window and toss creature & napkin out the window.

My first thought was, "I'm sorry I"m littering!" My second thought was, "Please don't let it fly back in!!"

I begin to laugh out of hysterics & nerves. My adrenaline is pumping, Afton is crying, Miya is crying & she's mad and she cries out, "Funny to you guys!!!" This coming from the girl who not 5 minutes before was laughing about how it was on me & it screeched in my ear! So, we straightened her right out...lol...she was fine after 10 minutes.

The only child not affected by it? Caleb. Not a peep out of him.

The rest of the ride Mike & I were NOT tired! I think God sent a screaming bug to keep us awake & safe!

Afton & Caleb eventually fell asleep. Miya got over her 'tude and I never stopped brushing "things" off me.

I still feel it at night when I'm in bed.

Seriously.

24 weeks, 5 days

2010-07-13T22:42:00.000-04:00

24 weeks, 5 days

I'm definitely feeling pregnant (including all the signs & symptoms) a lot earlier than with Afton or Caleb. Aside from the back, sciatic & ankle swelling I feel pretty good. It's just those pesky issues that hold me back from normal activity. It definitely puts a damper on the days, but I'm happy to be pregnant & I love feeling this little love bug kick & squirm inside of me.

It's so amazing to think about the fact that I am more than halfway through this pregnancy. It seems like yesterday we found out!! I'm not sure it's really hit me yet though. Life is so busy with kiddos, working @ home, family gatherings & life in general that I don't really think I've had time to think about how things will change in a few short months. It will most likely hit me when I'm holding a new bundle of joy in my arms :)

Until then I will love being pregnant & I will treasure each kick & bump until he or she makes their appearance.

The knot at the end of my rope....

2010-06-18T14:57:00.001-04:00

...is slowly coming undone today.

Sunday & Strawberries

2010-06-14T08:00:00.001-04:00

Yesterday wasn't the beautiful day you would think of in terms of beautiful. Sunny, warm, slight breeze & gorgeous. However, it was still beautiful in spite of the gray & damp weather.

We started the morning off by going to church & the plan was to meet up with my mom after church and head to a local strawberry festival. I wasn't sure if it would work out since it seemed like it could downpour at any second. We decided to brave the weather anyway. It's only 10 minutes from the house so the worst that would happen is we drove home.

So, we get there & walk around the farm market & then find out we have to get down to the strawberry patch for the picking & face painting. So we hop on a wagon filled with hay (the smell was delicious..I just love fresh hay) and down we go to the strawberry patch.

The kids had to have their face painted...of course.

Then we went to check out the old fire engine.

After that we started picking. Unfortunately it was pretty well picked clean, however we were able to find some pretty nice berries after some hunting!

What would be a strawberry festival without homemade ice cream?! Afton picked moose tracks in a dish, Caleb picked vanilla on a cone, my mom picked kahlua chip on a sugar cone & I chose black raspberry. It was so good!

We finished the day with some pictures & a group shot & then off we went to get warm in the van...brrr!

So it was a great day. Beautiful in every way except the weather which didn't hold us back at all!

Now I have to get some desserts & jelly made before we devour the strawberries!!!

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Exciting News

2010-06-12T23:27:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we had a very special appointment scheduled at 9:30am!

Here are the "results" of that appointment.

We're having another baby!!

Actually, I was 19 weeks, 5 days pregnant when the ultrasound was done. Tomorrow is my

20 week mark! Halfway there already!!

I have to say this was the last thing I was waiting for. After the 2 miscarriages last summer/fall I was

very on edge at each appointment. Hearing the heartbeat was the first milestone. Then

hearing it a second time was a huge relief. Feeling the baby move & kick was just another step & so

amazing!! However, actually seeing this little life growing inside of me, moving around & being it's

perfect little self was the icing on the cake.

I walked out of the ultrasound feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. God is so good!

I have been trying not to let my fear get the best of me during this pregnancy. I know God has a plan &

it may not be what I want, but I know it's good. So, I went to each appointment prepared for the worst & hoping for the best. Each time God gave me a sense of peace & each time we had good news.

So, like I said before, this was just the icing on the cake!

We did not find out what we're having although we do have the sex & the money shot in an envelope...SEALED!

I have no desire to know because I really want to be excited! I just can't wait!!

My due date is October 28th so we shall see when this little love bug makes their appearance!

I can't wait to meet our new addition! I'm already in love with this little bundle of joy that kicks me

throughout the day :)

Shall we (I) try this again?

2010-06-01T20:41:00.001-04:00

I've been thinking about it, debating, stopping & starting again for a while now. Just not quite ready to commit to regular posting just because my day isn't, well, regular. Sooooo...I suppose I just have to jump in and give it a whirl, right?

So here goes nothing, well, something...just not sure what, exactly.

For now I'll leave you with a beach shot of my two beautiful kiddos!

Enjoy the scenery & we'll see if I'll be back again!

Apple Trees

2009-11-22T17:51:00.004-05:00

I was driving by a local apple orchard and just loved the way the trees looked in the orchard.

Thankfully I had my camera with me so I snapped this shot!

I just love fall!

As If One Friday Funny Wasn't Enough....

2009-11-20T14:35:00.002-05:00

This just totally cracked me up, so I had to share.

We can all use a little extra funny on Friday. Right?

Innocence & Boobies

2009-11-20T08:00:00.003-05:00

At first I only posted this on Facebook, but then I just had to share with those of you who were not friends with me on FB, but would get a kick out of it like I did!

Last night Caleb and I were in the bathroom brushing our teeth when Caleb says to me, "Do you have big boobies?" Then he reaches over, squeezes them and says, "Oh yeah! You have big boobies!"

Like it's the most normal thing in the world to do. I guess, for a 3 1/2 year old, it is!

Thunder & Lightning

2009-11-17T09:03:00.002-05:00

Our conversation over breakfast this morning:

Afton: I know how God makes thunder...you wanna know how?

Me: How?

Afton: He has thunder in his footsteps and lightning in his fists!

(from "Awesome God" - Carmen)

Kiddos

2009-11-16T15:20:00.006-05:00

Just a few pictures of all our kiddos!

Not sure if you can see it or not, but it's snowing in the background...in October!

I just love their little faces!

For the Love of......

2009-11-15T21:22:00.004-05:00

...coffee!

Here are a few pictures of or about my favorite beverage!

Aren't those sign type pictures just the best?

One day I want a little breakfast nook so I can make it into a coffee shop type area. I would decorate it with all those signs and I even found curtains that have a coffee theme!

I would just love that! My house is always open to guests who want to come by for coffee, but to have a special spot to sip & chat would be heavenly!

ahhh...I just love the daydream!

A Passing Ache

2009-11-11T12:30:00.002-05:00

Getting over grief is not an easy thing. True the immediate heart wrenching, tear shedding grief is past, however it's the aching grief that's left.

I feel it when I think of December 17th & May 26th. The due dates of both little ones we lost.

I feel it when someone announces they are pregnant or I see a sweet, new baby.

I feel it when I put away yet another size of my children's clothes.

I feel it every time it's "that time" of the month. Just a reminder I am not pregnant.

I don't question why it happened. I know there is a reason. I don't even need to know what it is. I'm content knowing that God has a plan for me & our family. I know He knows when our family is complete and I trust that we will know too when that time comes.

It just doesn't stop the ache that I feel each time I remember or am reminded. It doesn't stop the gentle tears that may fall.

I am so happy for each of my friends for the blessing they have growing inside of them. I would hope they wouldn't feel awkward around me. Just ignore my choking up & watery eyes. It has nothing to do with you, I promise. I wouldn't want anyone to feel uneasy. My heart just aches for the little one I won't hold it my arms just yet.

Until then I will be so thankful for my energetic, funny girl & boy! I will treasure they things they say and the pictures they draw me. I will continue to learn how to be a better mother and wife.

...and hopefully one day soon we will have the joy of announcing we are going to have another lovebug!

Backseats

2009-10-30T12:05:00.004-04:00

My blog is quite familiar with the backseat these days. I'm sure it could rustle up a few coins, several dead leaves, some stale cheerios and a dried out marker or three from in between the seats.

However, I have to think the backseat can't be all that bad. You gain a totally different perspective of things around you. You can see where you are going AND where you've been (if you turn around), you don't get kicked in the back by feet on your seat, however you GET to do the kicking.....

What I'm basically getting at is I've let my blogging slip because I've had bigger fish to fry. The summer was a busy one with it's fair share of difficulties. Can I have a summer re-do? I've realized how fast time flies! Didn't we just celebrate Christmas last month???

I can't promise I'll be "back" for any amount of time. When things get crazy my computer time tends to be cut short, and rightfully so!

During my blog ~~neglect~~ break I have learned (and am still learning) lots.

I have found that I absolutely love cottage cheese and pomegranate!!! Oh yes! So delicious!
I have heard the most interesting sentences come from my son's mouth. More on that later.
I've heard my girl start reading & in turn found out that Caleb is now reading small words just from listening to her sister's learning.
I have realized the importance of having that one, godly woman in your life. The one you look up to & admire for her relationship with God, her husband and her family.
I am still learning how to let my house go just so I can spend time with my children.
I have felt the pain of losing 2 little ones to miscarriage & knowing that a friend "wasted" a precious life because it wasn't convenient or easy.

I could go on and on, but those are just a few things I could think of off the top of my head.

I wouldn't take back any of the good things about this past summer, but I would not want to re-live it. I'm happy we move on and make better choices as we learn and grow. I'm glad God takes the negative in our lives and uses it for good.

I'm so thankful He saved me and is so patient with me even when I make the same stupid mistakes over and over.

I'm thankful He is still growing me in the wife and mother He wants me to be.

This year has been a year of struggles, heartache, letting go and growth. While I wouldn't like to repeat it I am so thankful God allows these things to happen so that we may grow in Him & be wiser & more thankful because of it.

So, with all the being said. I hope I am back to blogging a bit more regularly. I make no promises, however I will try my best.

Sleeping Flowers

2009-09-22T08:40:00.004-04:00

Caleb looks at my flowers and says, "The flowers are not waking up. 'Cause it's
morning, and they are sleepy."

Serious Deliciousness

2009-08-28T07:00:00.000-04:00

I follow Ree Drummond aka:The Pioneer Woman on Twitter and one of her latest tweets said she was making strawberry-vanilla bean jam.

My mouth instantly started to water and I knew I just had to find that recipe. So, I hunted and pecked, pecked and hunted...it only took me 2 minutes...and I found this recipe.

So, I'm adding vanilla bean to my shopping list and this is a "must make ASAP"!!!

Yummy, yummy, oh my goodness yum!!!

Recipes or Coupons?

2009-08-27T13:13:00.003-04:00

So, I found this cute little recipe box on this blog and I can't decide if I want to use it for coupons or recipes.

Decisions, decisions.

(go here to buy one for yourself!)

Perspective, Long Days, Busy Weekends & Quiet Time

2009-08-25T14:00:00.003-04:00

I have been reduced to random, non personal posts lately. Or so it seems. Mostly because the summer is crazy and I have been having a difficult time with, well, time.

My hope is I will be able to pick up my blogging after the summer events have died down and life returns to (semi) normal.

I just wanted to share a unique prayer from an unknown author. It was part of a devotional and it really reminded me that I am not the only one in this world who has difficult times. Also, to treat others as I would want to be treated in a moment of frustration or stupidity.

A Different Type of Prayer
(author unknown):

"Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and was rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.

Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking fellow, begging for money in the same spot every day is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares. Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together."

Another funny commercial...love it!

2009-08-05T11:00:00.006-04:00

Just about the funniest commercial. And you all know how much I love commercials. Remember the IKEA one? "Start the car! Start the car!"

(This isn't the video I originally posted. Apparently the commercial's website updated it..oh well!)

Max Overload

2009-08-03T13:54:00.003-04:00

You know you're on maximum overload when you pull out a box of Betty Crocker Super Moist Devil's Food cake mix (that I keep on hand for emergency's only), add the ingredients, stir it up by hand and then proceed to eat a small ramekin full of it...raw.

Yes, people, I admit it. I did it. And it wasn't homemade. It was boxed. It had raw eggs in it too.

...and it was just what I needed. Oh, and sleep, but I can't nap while I'm working.

I'm going back for seconds now.

A Challenge

2009-07-30T13:31:00.003-04:00

I was challenged this morning while reading a devotional about being a consumer or a giver. The author made some very good points about how we consume so much. Whether it is food, books, newspapers, TV, games, or sermons. All those things aren't bad, but we seem to obsessed with "consuming" them.

So, the challenge was to consume less and give more. It really made me pause and thing because I've been convicted of that a lot lately. God has been speaking to me on this very issue. Sometimes it seems to take longer for me to implement it in my life because I justify it. I say things like, "this isn't bad" or "It's my relaxation time" or how about "I just have to 'not think' for a while". I say that sometimes when it comes to the computer. Instead of "not thinking" I should be going to bed earlier. Making wiser use of the time I have.

We are to be good stewards of what God has blessed us with and that includes our time.

"Freely you have received. Freely give."
Matthew 10:8

Pray for Stellan...NOW...please!

2009-07-26T21:06:00.002-04:00

This strong little boy needs your (our) prayers right now. His sweet mama is by his side while her hubby is home with their 3 other children. Please pray as God leads you. Just pray, pray, pray!

You can keep up the best if you follow MckMama on Twitter, however you can also catch updates as she posts them on her blog.

Please pray.....

I Hope This is Me When I Am 89

2009-07-22T13:11:00.000-04:00

Sunday Quiet Time

2009-07-19T07:20:00.004-04:00

This weekend we are away visiting with my dad, mom, brother & sister in law. I ended up being awake most of the night and finally got out of bed at 5:24am. After showering and getting dressed I was excited to take advantage of the quiet house. So, I grabbed a book I just bought from CBD on clearance called Love Letters To God.

When I purchased this book it sounded interesting. Like something I would love to try and implement in my life. As I started reading through it I felt like God was using the peace and quiet around me to get my attention. I continued reading and was taken with all the quotes that seemed to speak right to me.

"Little deaths. Somewhere in the psyche all these changes and losses register as death."

Jane Kenyan

Little deaths. They could be anything. The loss of a pet. The loss of a job. Parents who have divorced. Friends who have fallen to the wayside. Personal loss. Perhaps we didn't live up to an expectation we had for ourselves.

"Give sorrow words. The grief that does not speak whispers the o'erfraught heart and bids it break."

Shakespear

The author then goes further to say that in Psalms David says this, "Record my lament;list my tears on Your scroll - are they not in Your record?"

Her suggestion? Name your grief.

What I took from that is not to stuff down our feelings and emotions just to "be strong". Mourn, grieve, cry, sob, let it out. Cry out to God and then allow Him to heal you.

There is so much more to this little book. She has filled it with quotes and scripture and speaks from her personal, love letter writing to God experience.

I am inspired to do the same. What a way to grow closer to my God. Praying through journaling/letter writing.

I will leave you with one last quote from her book.

"If I am willing to abandon myself to God, He will give me back myself, my identity."

Luci Shaw

On this beautiful, sunshiny morning I am praying to God to transform my heart and my life. For a willingness to abandon myself and everything I have in order to gain my identity in Him.

Perspective

2009-07-15T14:24:00.008-04:00

More importantly having the right perspective. The Godly perspective. I will admit I struggle with this more often than is right. I don't know why. I know what my calling is. So, why is it such a struggle?

Ultimately I think it comes down to feeling "used" or "unappreciated". Not that we are being used, but we feel like we do so much and it just goes unnoticed and our needs aren't recognized. I have to pray daily for God to change my perspective and give me the right attitude during the day. I know I am blessed to be able to stay home with our children. I am so thankful for that and I don't wish for anything else.

However, I want to show my children the correct way to serve and that is to do it regardless of whether there is thanks involved or not. Our strength comes from God. Our reward is in knowing we are raising children for Him and we are keeping house for His glory. Not ours.

Around Mothers Day I received an email. It's one that I receive periodically. It was such a wonderful blessing and reminder to me so I wanted to share it with you today.

For all the moms who feel that their efforts and labor goes unnoticed or is done in vain....God knows. God sees. God is blessed and honored when we do these things cheerfully. Our reward and thanks may never be found here on earth, but in heaven.

So, until then I will continue on doing what He has called me to do, and I'll be working on doing it cheerfully all the time!

(and I'll hope for a "thanks" or "good job" along the way!)

Enjoy the article below which was taken from an email ezine I received.

Mother you are appreciated...

Mother’s day is just around the corner and I thought I would drop all my subscribers a short note!

So often we get bogged down in the diaper-change-wipe-nose-feed-toddler-routine that we forget to take some time to realize that we are doing one of the greatest jobs imaginable.

If you have chosen to stay at home with your little one there is not much, usually, to show for how your time is spent and there is definitely not a pay check waiting for you at the end of the month!

But while others go out to build careers or businesses, you too are building a future in your children by being there for them and by spending time with them, training them and well, just being mommy!

So may I just encourage you, mom, by saying – “Mother, you are appreciated!”

And a last thought for you:

Invisible Mother...... (Annon)

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask me a question.

Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously, not.

No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated sum a cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going; she's going; she is gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England ..

Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.

I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself.

I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .

I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:

'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.

It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right.

And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Until next time
Wendy

Make your own deodorant

2009-07-14T16:31:00.003-04:00

I was asked to be a guest blogger over at Money Saving Mommies and I just posted this "recipe".

If anyone tries this please let me know! I'm excited and anxious to hear how it works and what people think. I will do the same when I try it! First I have to buy the coconut oil because I'm fresh out and haven't picked up more.

This is taken from an online article in Health in High Heels.

I've been looking for good, healthy deodorant for a while now, but came to the conclusion I wasn't going to find one that I like for a good price and with a great smell that didn't let me smell...lol!

I have to say I haven't tried this recipe yet, but I definitely will be.

Here is what the woman wrote:

"Ok, the super simple recipe: Get out a little container. Mix in equal parts (I use about 1/3 cup each) cornstarch, baking soda, and coconut oil. Drop in two drops essential oil. Let it sit outside in the sun, on your heater, or melt it on the stove (gasp) by placing the container in a little hot water.

Stir it up, and if your coconut oil was solid at your room temperature, let it harden up and just scoop a little out to use it. If your coconut oil was liquid at your room temperature, you can put it in the frig and try to scoop a little out each day. If refrigerated, it tends to get too hard for my liking so I devised a Dixie cup applicator. Go to your mother's house and borrow a little Dixie cup from her bathroom dispenser. Then fill it with the mixed up liquid deodorant and let it harden in the frig. Tear the paper down and apply just like your stick deodorant. You'll likely have to store it in the frig during the summer. Play around with it to see what works best. If it melts and separates, just stir it up and refrigerate again."

If you try this please post a comment and let us know how it turned out and if you have any tips or hints for the everyone else. Can't wait to hear! Have fun & happy "cooking"!

On Parenting

2009-07-10T08:25:00.002-04:00

From the book How to Raise Totally Awesome Kids by Chuck and Jenni Borsellino

"Teach by example. Model what you desire. For our children to develop character and integrity, they must first see the integrity of our character."

Proverbs 20:7
The godly walk with integrity;blessed are their children who follow them.

Something Funny I Just Read

2009-07-08T20:24:00.001-04:00

There's nothing better than a good laugh. Enjoy!

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera.

He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding.

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed.

He tried a fourth time with the same result.

He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace...

Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

Lullaby

2009-07-03T07:00:00.001-04:00

One of the job descriptions for a mama is that she sing to her lovebugs. At least that is one of my job descriptions. I absolutely loved rocking them in the rocking chair when they were babies and singing to them. Now I get to sing to them after I have tucked them in for the night and before I give them kisses.

One of the songs I sing is a lullaby I made up when Afton was a baby. Here are the words.

Little baby, little baby
I love you. I love you.
You're my little sweet pea. You're my little sweet pea.
Yes you are. Yes you are.
(sung to the tune of Frere Jacques)

Here are the lyrics to the song I made up for Caleb not too long ago. He requests it every night with extra "mama loves you"...

Lullaby and goodnight, little lovebug baby.
Mama loves you, Mama loves you
and I'll see you when you wake up.

Sometimes we vary the songs that we sing, however the first one always makes it in.

I love that my children have a song especially made up for them and I hope they carry it on with their children!

Do you have a special song you sing to your kiddos or have you made one up especially for them?

What better way to get over a rainy day then to share more of my favorite things?

2009-07-02T13:23:00.007-04:00

It has been raining a ton here! I can't remember the last day we saw the sun. I was joking with someone this morning that I was trading in my sunscreen for sunless tanning lotion. We are definitely lacking in natural Vitamin D!

So, to take my mind off of the wet weather I thought I would share a few more of my favorite things! I'm so excited because I found some new things and an favorite, seasonal item returns!!!

Let's start with my new favorite thing: Starbucks Green Tea Latte's...
oh heavenly flavor, especially iced! It's made with matcha green tea which is super healthy for you (before sweeteners!). It's the perfect summer drink, in my opinion.

Next would have to be the returning favorite: Lindt's Strawberry Rhubarb Yogurt Bar...

I could melt just thinking about them! They are selling like hotcakes too right now!

Another sinful (not really) delight from Lindt is their European Specialties - Raspberry Vanilla Eisdessert .

I just bought one to try it and it's a good thing because if I bought more they would have been devoured in 2.4 seconds. No lie!

Moving on...

It's no secret I love the CO Bigelow lip gloss at Bath and Body Works. In fact, it's the only lip gloss that I use. They have some brand-spankin' new flavors out and I'm loving these ones.

Plus, they have there wicked awesome sale going on right now until Sunday. So, they have home fragrance oils on sale for $2 each! I warmed the sandalwood vanilla and was pleasantly surprised by it's strong, yet gently fragrance.

I blew out the tea lite pretty soon after the scent was released so I didn't burn my warmer. It still smells pretty in here several hours later! So nice.....

So, there you have a few of my favorite things. Of course I have many more, but I have to save some material for later posts!

Let me know if you have any favorite things that I just have to check out! I love trying new things out!

Exactly one week

2009-06-24T19:30:00.002-04:00

Funny how things can change in one week.

One week ago we went into our doctors office to hear our baby's heartbeat...but didn't.

One week ago we had an ultrasound & found out we did not have a baby.

One week ago we were just dealing with the sadness of losing the baby we were so excited for.

One week later we were back at the doctors office for the D&C.

One week later we left our doctors office knowing we would be able to try for another baby within 2 months.

One week later the healing has begun.

One week later God is still sovereign and we trust Him completely with every step and phase of our life.

One week later we still have 3 beautiful children that God has so wonderfully blessed us with.

One week.....

It's time for Mike & I to learn how to play the piano

2009-06-19T16:24:00.001-04:00

Verses for today

2009-06-19T08:15:00.003-04:00

Psalm 30:11 & 12
You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

Ecclesiastes 3:1a & 4
For everything there is a season, A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.

I've been thinking a lot about God's will, as you can probably imagine. Not in a questioning way. I'm not asking God "why?" as that is not my place to ask this. I simply accept His will knowing there was/is a reason this little baby was not meant to make an appearance on this earth.

I guess I've just been thinking about the future and what He has in store for us. A ton if thoughts run through my head and I'm so glad I don't know the future. That would be too much pressure. There is such peace in just resting in God's will and not worrying about what will come next.

I want to be prepared spiritually to take on whatever comes our way. So far Mike and I have been so blessed by being able to completely trust in His will. We are so at peace and so excited about what is to come. You just never know.

So, while we are sad and we mourn the little baby that we never got to meet, we also know God's plan is far greater than our measly, human plan.

It's also a comfort to know that mourning is a natural part of life. God knows this better than anyone of us. Can you imagine how He felt when He sent His only Son to die on the cross for a bunch of sinners who didn't even appreciate or accept Him? He did it anyway because He loved us and wanted us to be able to go to heaven.

For this I am so thankful!

Thank you for all your prayers and thoughts. We truly appreciate it all!

Not quite ready....

2009-06-18T12:56:00.004-04:00

...to write this. However, I think it will be easier if I just get it over with, so we can move on and continue.

Yesterday the four of us went to my doctors appointment for my 14 week check and to listen to the baby's heartbeat. When we arrived the doctor asked how I was doing and I said, "Pretty good." Mike piped up and said, "No she's not. She's not doing good." (or something close to that). Then I just clarified that I was nervous and all I wanted to hear was the heartbeat (they were unable to find it at my 10 week, 2 day appointment. However, that isn't necessarily unusual.)

I've had this feeling throughout my pregnancy that something wasn't right. And you know how mama's just know these things. So, when the doctor tried to listen for the heartbeat he still couldn't find it. He ended up scheduling me for an ultrasound that same day & within a short amount of time.

Once we were in the room the nurse/technician asked if I wanted the screen turned away and, of course, I refused. I wanted to see what she saw. Good or bad. As I was looking at the screen I knew what I was seeing, but it just wasn't registering in my head. I knew where a baby should be.

When the nurse/tech did finally speak she explained what she was looking at and where there should be a baby there wasn't. It was just empty. My uterus was measuring 10 weeks when it should be measuring 14 weeks and where a baby should have been was just emptiness. In technical terms it is called an anembryonic pregnancy or blighted ovum. Just click the link for a technical explanation.

At that moment I felt a huge range of emotions. From sadness to confirmation. I had prepared myself for the worst while hoping and praying for the best. This was the last thing I wanted to hear, but knew it was more than likely.

I felt Mike's hand on my shoulder and could only imagine what he was feeling. He was expecting to hear good news and instead heard something completely opposite. Later on I realized he probably took the news a bit harder that I did. He had been so excited about this baby!

The one thing we know is this happened for a reason. God is gracious and merciful. He doesn't give us more than we can handle. We don't know why He allowed this, but we know there is a reason. We can take comfort in knowing that.

It's still devastating no matter what stage of pregnancy you are in. Mike and I were both very happy, excited and looking forward to seeing how things would change for us.

So, for now I'll need to go in for a D & C to make sure everything is "clean" (again, check the link if you dare. It will give you a better idea of what it is. I don't feel like going into technical details.) If there were a baby still inside me that had passed I would not consent to a D & C. However, my uterus is empty and this is why I agreed. After the D & C we'll need to wait until I have one, normal cycle before we can try again. Who knows? Next time we find out we're having twins!!! Wouldn't that be a blessing. Just don't expect to be told until we hear a heartbeat (or two) and are past the 12-14 week mark!

So, sadly we are no longer pregnant. We are doing ok for the most part. It was really hard yesterday afternoon since we hadn't quite grasped it all. I know I'm doing a little better today, but if someone says "I'm sorry" or I have to explain anything I know I'll cry. Just the normal grieving process.

If you would just keep us in your prayers we would truly appreciate it. We will be telling Afton and Caleb tonight. Then we'll tell Miya on Saturday. Please pray for Mike and I to have the right words. The kids were so excited and we want to be able to tell them in a way that is gentle, yet easy to understand. Plus, we want them to hear it from us instead of from someone else.

I'll leave you with lyrics from Shane & Shane "Your Grace is Sufficient for Me"

Your grace is sufficient for me
Your strength is made perfect
When I am weak
And all that I cling to
I lay at Your feet
Your grace is sufficient for me

Praise

2009-06-17T08:08:00.002-04:00

We are so blessed to announce that Mike received a call yesterday evening and he will be returning to work!!!

God is so amazing in providing for us while he was out of work. We were not worried for one minute of that time and that is a blessing in itself! However, that's exactly what God wants from us. To be totally dependent on Him knowing He will provide for our every need. We cannot rely on ourselves and our own actions. While we must do our part our trust cannot with us, but in God and God alone!

What an awesome period of time for us to be reminded of that. Praise God!

Mike was able to spend some time with us that he otherwise would not have had! While the first week was a bit of an adjustment it's kind of sad knowing he'll be going back to work so soon. I have to say I wouldn't mind having him here for another month or so!

So, I just wanted to share how God has provided for our family and how we were reminded to trust & be faithful with what we have.

God is awesome!

Homemade Mayonnaise

2009-06-13T07:55:00.006-04:00

Yesterday we were going through a few things we would need at the grocery store and hubby mentioned we were out of mayo. I wrote it down on the list, but then remembered I had a recipe to make my own!

So, I decided to whip up a batch to save a few dollars! Plus, I love knowing exactly what is in my food!

Here is the recipe:

Homemade Mayonnaise (Yield: 2 cups)

1 egg
1 tsp salt
1 tsp sugar
1 teaspoon ground mustard
1/2 teaspoon paprika (I omitted this)
3 Tbs vinegar or lemon juice
1 1/2 cups vegetable oil (I used canola)

Put egg, salt, sugar, mustard, paprika & vinegar in blender. Cover & blend for a few seconds. With blender still running, add the oil very slowly. Blend until thick and smooth.

Note: you can substitute pasteurized egg substitute for raw egg for pregnant women or elderly persons.

Personal notes: This recipe turned out really well. It was a little tangy, so I think I'll play around with the vinegar and sugar. Next time I will use 2 tablespoons vinegar and add an extra teaspoon of sugar.

Hubby is pretty specific about his mayo and how his food tastes and he approved this, so it was success. No more buying mayo for me!!!

Quiet Time & a Cup of Coffee

Not Afraid to Stand Alone….

Reflections

God's Knows

Remembering

Mmmmmmm

Humility

Grunt Fish, Moldy Cheese & Sin

Homemade Vanilla Extract

A Day You Will Remember

My "5 Months After the New Year" Resolution

Leaving My Burden at the Foot of the Cross

My "gloomy" Monday

Joy In Motherhood

True Confessions - Mommy Style

Announcement (Better Late Than Never)

I *Heart* This Nailpolish Color

Kids, Rocks & Hammers Make for Great Science

Love = The Green "Clean" Light on the Dishwasher

"I have the most thoughtful husband in the world!"

He came home from work late last night. Everyone was in bed and asleep. He left this morning well before anyone was awake. When I went to get my coffee at 6:30 this morning I noticed things were "different".

A Day at the Orchard

Aaaargh Matey!

Because It's Not

It's a Sad, Sad Day

Homemade Orange Julius

27 Days To Go

36 Weeks

My Disability, His Ability

A Letter from Afton

Tired.

Afton

What 2nd Trimester?

Silly Boy

Intuition

Day of Worship

Mmmmmmm.....

Father & Son

Toothless Corn on the Cob Eater

mckmama Inspired * I'm Gonna Miss This

Quiet Time Idea

Second Chances

From Me...To Me

Beach Fun

Aches, Pains & No Sleep = Motherhood & Pregnancy

View At 2am

This Is What I Felt Like Today

My Girl

29 Weeks

I'm Sorry

Garden View

The "not so kiddie" kiddie pool

"Simple" Math

Sunday

Silly Girl

Grocery Store Carousels

I Remember Being 12 & This Was My Favorite Store Too!

Please Excuse Me While I Lick My Spoon

Spa Like Relaxation

Summer Treats

Fresh, Juicy Watermelon

Best Shower & Tub Cleaner...Ever

August Break 2010

Ravings of a Pregnant Woman

A pond, fireworks & a screeching moth

24 weeks, 5 days

The knot at the end of my rope....

Sunday & Strawberries

Exciting News

Shall we (I) try this again?

Apple Trees

As If One Friday Funny Wasn't Enough....

Innocence & Boobies

Last night Caleb and I were in the bathroom brushing our teeth when Caleb says to me, "Do you have big boobies?" Then he reaches over, squeezes them and says, "Oh yeah! You have big boobies!"

Like it's the most normal thing in the world to do. I guess, for a 3 1/2 year old, it is!

Thunder & Lightning

Kiddos

For the Love of......

A Passing Ache

Backseats

I Heart This Nailpolish Color